Warning: this particular post may contain language that would be considered very inappropriate in most corners of the galaxy. If this type of stuff reddens your ears and makes you say, "Well! I never!", by all means follow the advice from the Chief of Police from South Park: "Nothing to see here, let's move along."
In all seriousness, if you're easily offended, then skip this post and go on to the one that will soon follow this.
I was talking to my good friend D this afternoon about slang. Not the normal crap that you hear on a daily basis, but the stuff you read either on the Internet or while texting. This originally came about because my friend was suffering from the effects of a damaged finger, which made it quite uncomfortable for her to type and thus communicate. I asked her did you give some thought about typing the way you text, or do you use full words while texting (or txtng as I put it).
So she showed off a few of the words she used, one of which was "ttly" that I misinterpreted as "ttyl". She explained what it was and asked what I knew. I explained to her in detail, or as much detail that I would be able to get away with, what I knew and what I used.
After a lively discussion about it lasting a hour or so, we parted ways. But it did get me to thinking about what I had learned in the past 19 1/2 months of doing chat rooms, and how I was able to apply what I learned, to improving my writing skills. So without further ado, here is today's lesson on how to talk trash without getting busted by the thought police.
I am one of those rare people in the blogger world who had paid their dues by slaving away in the chat rooms before hitting the blogs. Doing chat rooms, I think, is one of the best ways to prove your mettle before doing a blog. Some people will prolly disagree with me on this, but I believe that chat rooms can expand your creativity in ways that you never thought possible.
To whit: Talking trash without being censored. Most chat rooms have rules about the use of bad language. Since I participate exclusively on Topix, this is what I'll be using as my examples. Anyways, there are usually three to four ways around this dilemma:
1) Use the word in question. This is all well and good, but you'll get a warning telling you about using bad language and the word will be blacked out (******). This applies to swear words like: shit, fuck, damn, asshole, cunt, slit and pecker, to name a few. This rule also applies to words that are deemed politically incorrect to say, no matter if the version you're using is actually the correct way of using it (I had this problem last year): dick (either the proper name or the thing between a guy's legs), retard, faggot, nigger, cracker (they just started with that one) and bitch, to name just a few.
2) Use the word in question, but purposely misspell it. This works the best because so long as the word is misspelled, it will get by the censors. Like: chit or sh!t, b!itch, @sshole, s.t.u.p.i.d. (yes they censor that), he-ll or he'll, phuck and biotch, to name a few.
3) Use the abbreviated form. This always works for me, simply because it gets the point across quickly and easily. Like: WTF or WDF, STFU, FU or FO, WYSTFU, JSTFU, SOL and my personal fave, F. There is also the classic response to anything remotely funny that someone says: ROFLMAO (Rolling around On the Floor Laughing My Ass Off).
4) Whipping out a dictionary/thesaurus and using the brain cells to come up with something that means the exact same thing but won't get you into trouble. This works extremely well as it forces you to be both creative and ingenious with your insults and putdowns. Example: instead of calling someone a piece of shit, you can call them a piece of human excrement or can call them a skid mark on the underwear of life. Not very good but you get the idea.
With Topix, you picked up on the nuances on things functioned extremely fast, because if you didn't, not only were you left in the dust, but chances were good that you would be purged and banned for indecent behavior. In Topix, there is always a percentage of people who would do their very damnedest to get you banned/purged for what you said, because they would always bitch to the moderators about your "bad" language and veiled threats that you happened to inadvertently make during the course of your posting, while conveniently forgetting the fact that they were the ones who lit the fuse in the first place.
So thus, you got creative. You picked up on the nuances of the various forums. You learned how to be creative with your insults and trash talk. Instead of calling someone a "bitch", you called them a "female of the canine persuasion." Instead of telling someone to shut up (a no-no in Topixland), you said, "I'm sorry, did you say something? All I heard was the wind blowing through your brain as you opened your mouth to insert both feet." true insult btw. uttered by me. Or you told someone who was bugging the shit out of ya, "Hey, why don't you pop a few pills and drink a few beers, Karen Ann Quinlan is waiting for you on the other side." (yeah I know, tasteless as all hell).
I have spent most of my chat room existence learning how to be creative with my insults and putdowns, which in turn, allowed me to grow and really fire off eloquent points of contention on the serious threads I participated in. In essence, I learned to talk R-rated trash in a PG-13 environment.
I still can whip out the occasional PG-13 insult with R-rated overtones, but quite frankly, the IQ level of about 85% of the posters out there on Topix really makes it unchallenging and unnecessary.
So I leave the trash talking for my blog. But only when I need to make a point and not just for the sake of talking trash.