Have you ever wanted to stop some mealy mouthed bloviator dead in his tracks? Wanted to eloquently tell someone to STFU? Wanted to make someone look like a fool with minimum effort? Snappy answer to a stupid question?
Well, look no more. Georgie B has the perfect insult for you. Guaranteed to solve all the aforementioned questions (with the exception of the last one) with minimal effort on your part.
The cost of this insult is so low, I'm ashamed to tell you it. But it can be had for the very low, low, low, low price of reading the rest of this post.
In the strange world of chat rooms, where black is white and you can't say "cracker" or "boobies" without being censored, a clean and effective rant stopper is absolutely priceless weapon in your arsenal.
That seven word post title, "Don't Get Your Panties In A Bunch", effectively stops any rant and inserts a welcome swerve into the argument. No matter what the person may be bloviating about, they immediately stop and try to turn the tables on the insulter by any means necessary.
Any means necessary can usually mean questioning your sexual orientation, which in and of itself, is a highly tired and utterly lame attack.
Another good comeback for use in disarming an obnoxious poster is to use their own words against them.
For example: the other day a poster on a thread about Sarah Palin happened to venting on how he was going to be making a whole lot of hankies for all the McCain supporters the day after the election, except that he didn't say McCain, but instead said crybabies. So I said, "So you'll be making a lot of hankies for yourself?"
Got a funny face icon for it.
Another effective weapon to use is sarcasm. Normally sarcasm is very hard to inflict in a chat room, simply because there's no audio infliction to it. There are really only two ways that you can show that you're being sarcastic.
One: put an obvious tag in somewhere in your posts signifying that you're being sarcastic.
The second way requires a bit more skill. Write out your response in such a way that no one, even the occasional poster who happens to wander by, will have no doubt that you post is oozing with sarcasm.
For example: This was my favorite response for most of 2007, with situational tweaking as needed.
AAARGH!! Skewered by a rapier-like comeback!!! Oh wait...it's just a mosquito bite.
By 2008, that slowly fell out of use, as I started to encounter posters whose collective IQ was either their shoe size or the cup size (depending on the gender). So we basically went with the following sentence:
"Excuse me?" or "I'm sorry, was I supposed to be offended by this?"
Which was soon followed by a lengthy, scathing rebuke of whatever point the poster was trying to make.
Another way to get chuckles at the expense of the other posters is to use offensive language. You really have to be careful in how you express yourself, because using foul/nasty language will get you warned and your post yanked.
That's where the handy dandy thesaurus comes into play. You will be simply amazed with the amount of synonyms you can come up with and use in order to severely insult/degrade someone and not get into any kind of trouble for it. It's not something for the faint of heart, simply because it takes the burning of more than a few brain cells and a healthy dose of knowing how to work the system.
If you keep these simple rules of thumb in the back of your mind while exploring the chat rooms/message boards, in no time at all, you'll be well on your way to making a bunch of friends, a boatload of enemies and having a blast while doing it.
But the most important thing to remember is this: never take anything too seriously in the chat rooms, because after all, it is just that, a chat room. So long as you're careful about what you give out for info, you'll never have a problem in being there.
In addition, you can take comfort in the fact that there will always be a friendly voice/person in the form of me, happily bouncing around the chat rooms. I'm easy to find as I post under this name and I make all the threads I post on, public.
We return you now to your regularly scheduled programming: How to become independently wealthy by actually taking responsibilities for your actions.