Cerealessly?

Yes, cerealessly (don't you just love made up words?).

Anywho, this is a brief (boxers, not tighty whiteys) status update about Flashing Georgie's Shorts.

While I still intend to convert the blog over from one that carries flash fiction to one that carries serialized short stories, the process of how exactly it should be done is, to put it mildly, pretty damn confusing.

Don't get me wrong, the decision to switch formats was a no-brainer, since my stories were starting to swing in that direction for quite sometime. However, certain petty annoying issues have cropped up that I really need to think about before continuing with the conversion. In no particular order of importance, here are the annoyingly petty issues that I'm currently experiencing a paradigm shift of titanic proportions.

1} How many pages should I post in one shot? I originally wanted to post one page per week until the story was finished. Good if the story was less than seven pages, bad if the story was longer. Even though I like the old time serialized story format, I understand both the complexities and seriously short attention span of today's world, so the issue I face is that should I post one page at a time, or two pages at a time? This leads directly into issue #2....

2} How many stories do I have on hand? If I decide to stick with the one page per week, then I have enough stories (5) for the entire calendar year. If I decide to do two per week, then I need to double up the amount of stories I have on hand. A big problem if your writing is somewhat sporadic like mine.

3} How many posts should I show on the front page? Yes, this is a potential problem. I started off with showing four on the front page, which was about a month's worth of stories. Eventually it tailed downwards to the point where I'm showing just two. Now if I go with one per week, then it's not a problem showing two. If I decide to go with two per week, then it would probably be easier to show one and leave a link at the beginning for the previous page.

4} I need to redo the beginning intro, because obviously it's not gonna be about flash fiction, but serialized fiction.

So as you can see, I have a cerealess dilemma that is causing me to become very confused in my old age. So that I can work out these issues to my satisfaction, the blog (FSG, not this one) will not be updated for the month of December.

To give everyone an idea on what I got on tap for stories, here are the titles plus a brief description on the why and the what, along with a page count, so that you can get a good idea on the problem I'm facing. They will be listed in order of future appearance.

The Right Thing: I alluded to and explained the basis for this story in an earlier post (see point #9), and in fact, was the main reason why I decided to convert the blog over to begin with. The plot centers around a guy getting dumped by his girlfriend, and his best friend who attempts to set him up with another girl at the town festival. About 10 pages in length.

Red Stripe: This one I started on Halloween weekend and finished it in less than one week. The inspiration was a young lady who worked at my local supermarket and was dressed in a funky tie-dyed tee shirt and makeup for Halloween. The title I got from a bottle of Jamaican beer (sorry about the Wikipedia, but the actual website requires a few questions to be answered before you can access it). The plot centers around a singer for a punk/speed metal band. Also about 10 pages.

Creativity Inaction: This is my weirdest one yet. The inspiration was that I had about six short stories that I had absolutely no hope in completing. They ranged anywhere in length from three paragraphs to five pages. I tied them all together with an original (for me at least) plot line about a writer who keeps getting interrupted whenever he sits down to write a story and when he gets back to it, he can never continue it. 19 pages in length. Note: there will be a slight delay in publishing this story as I decided to enter it into 4 chapbook contests, the latest finishing in July 2010. So I don't want to publish it on the outside chance that I would have to nuke it later.

The Grid: This was originally written back in my forgettable year of 2006, when I was going through a bunch of personal turmoil. I was looking for another story to write for the blog, when I decided that all this one needed was a good rewrite. The inspiration for this story will remain my forgettable year of 2006. Plot is revenge. 14 pages in length.

Eye Candy: I originally wrote this one for the blog back in August, but it stretched beyond my self imposed cap of four pages. Inspiration was a hot looking hot dog vendor. Not one of my best, but it will do in a pinch. 5 pages in length.

I have one other that may or may not make the grade. It's about 24 pages in length and will need a major re-write if I choose to use it. In any event, I probably will be writing a few more short stories for the blog, which will be needed if I choose to go the two page route instead of the one page route.

Again, thanks for visiting my story blog and rest assured, I will make sure that it will still meet your highest expectations when it comes back to life.

Psalm 23

And finally, the last piece of flash fiction to grace Flashing Georgie's Shorts for the foreseeable future.

I wanted to close out the flash fiction portion of the blog with a story that I consider to be one of the best of the fifty odd flash fiction shorts that have graced the blog in the past eight months. It's somewhat similar to my short story Cedar Mountain (of which the link can be found at the top of the blog), in that it has a bit of spirituality to it.

How it came to be is an interesting story indeed. Back in August of this year, I drove my wife up to where my mother has her RV stored in Litchfield, CT. It was an absolutely gorgeous Saturday with temps in the lo 80's which made driving with the sunroof open and windows down absolutely fantastic.

Anyways, on the drive home, the beautiful mountain/valley scenery was just so exhilarating and breathtaking that I decided to write a story about it. However, I didn't want to write another story just like Cedar Mountain, so I decided to write it based on a verse from the Bible. Problem was, even though I knew what verse I wanted to use, I didn't know where exactly the verse was.

Enter Facebook. I posted the question on Facebook, asking my friends if they could tell me what was the name of the verse that is always quoted in the movies whenever someone was about to be executed. My good friend Lisa was kind enough to answer my question for me.

Thus, by the time the weekend was done, and with a good copy of the Bible to use as a reference guide, I had this story completed and put to bed.

So giving credit where credit is due, the inspiration tag for the story features a thank you to my friend Lisa.

Once again, I thank all of you for your patronage to Flashing Georgie's Shorts this year, and I hope you'll stick around to experience the new serialized version of Flashing Georgie's Shorts.

Click here for the full story

Happy Thanksgiving 2009

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

May you be celebrating the day with family and friends, stuffing your face with whatever dead animal you chose to sacrifice to your favorite deity, and watching your favorite sport, be it football (American version) or football (what the other 170+ countries in the world play) or whatever fun filled sport that would be played on a normal Thursday in other parts of the world.

~
If you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, or if you're looking for something to do while cooking your dead animal of choice, or if you're one of those cooking your dead vegetable of choice, and it's gotten down to either reading this blog or listening to the 75th time your Uncle (fill in the name) telling you about the time he went a-huntin' for the dead animal of choice and failed, I want to say this:

Why are you here reading this blog? What's the matter with you?? Surely you can find something better to do than to read this blog on a holiday that retailers aren't even paying attention to this year, right???

Seriously though, for your reading pleasure, Cedar's Mountain proudly brings to you (with absolutely almost no effort on your part, beyond moving your mouse and pressing the shiny/dull right or left button) his Thanksgiving post from last year.

It's a special post where he runs down the historical inanities of his state.

Enjoy!

Click here for Cedar's Mountain Thanksgiving Day Special and click here for a classic blast from the same week.

Me So Horny, Me Love You Long Time (3)

part 1 & part 2

The final part for this trilogy will cover how I use in my writings, my observations of the opposite sex during the day-to-day activities that is called my life.

I, like most guys, is simply mesmerized by the opposite sex. The way they move, the way they think, and the way they use their entire body as a weapon of destruction.

Most of the women in my stories are ethnic, simply because most of the women I see and deal with on a daily basis are ethnic. And usually, most of the women in my stories share some similar traits and characteristics: athletic yet lithe, fiercely independent, sensual and self assured to the point of arrogance.

Suddenly, a rather well built and angry black woman bursts on the scene, grabs the narrator and throws him to the ground. Before he can respond, two other equally well built and incredibly angry women (one black and one Hispanic) pick him up and drag him over to a chair, where they proceed to tie him down and then use him as a punching bag. The first woman watches for a minute or so, before blowing a referee's whistle. She then sits down at the computer and begins to pound away on the keyboard.

"Okay, listen up. Let me give you the 411 on this clown as it applies to his usage of the female species. I am a prime example of how he makes the real world visual into a fictional reality."
"Wait a minute! Who do you think you are, barging into my blog post and having a couple of women beat me up?"
"Shut up fool, or I'll have those two ladies over there, Gwendolyn and Bobbi, finish beating you down into the ground."
"Excuse me?"
"You heard me. And you ought to know that I can back up my mouth, because you know who I am."

The blogger freaks, because he'd just figured out whose standing in front of him.

"That's right fool. My name is Alex Carter, and I'm your lead female in your latest story. So shut up and let me say what needs to be said, or so help me, I'll finish what the other two started. Understand?"
Realizing that he's F'ed more ways than he could possibly imagine, he nods his head in agreement.
"Good."

Alex turns her attention back to the task at hand. "Listen up peoples. What the legendary G is trying to politely say, is that he gives his female characters the same attributes that he admires in the real world, namely a woman's rack, her butt and her hair, in that order. If you've been even a casual reader of his other blog, the first thing that sticks out (no pun intended) is that all the females are extremely well built. Top heavy one might say, well endowed would be another. Why? Because that is the number one thing that turns his head, with the butt and the hair turning his head if the rack doesn't do it.

"How am I a prime example? I figured that no one remembers the previous description of me from the original story, but in the current story, he did make me somewhat sculpted, but gave me a pair of big boobs," she paused for a second to walk over to the blogger and deliver a hard slap to the face, before coming back to the computer, "a soft ass and waist length hair.

"Now don't get me wrong, I love the long hair and the decent ass, but I'm really tired of having a rack the size of Dolly Parton's. I mean, couldn't you at least make them a few inches smaller, so that people would see me for who I am, instead of what I am? I mean, I got a brain and I've been trying to use it to the best of my abilities in this story, but geez, ya got me acting like a sex machine. What gives?

"And if you think I got it bad, he did the exact same thing to Gwendolyn and Bobbi, who co-star in his most recently published book. So yeah, he more than uses what he sees in the real world, but does the end result really justify writing the way he writes? I mean, the man really does have talent. I just wish that he would find a better way of utilizing it."

Alex gets up and walks over to where the blogger is and gives him a kiss on the head. The other two untie his hands and gives him a kiss on his head, before following Alex out of the room and back into the books from where they originated. The blogger unties his legs and hustles over to the computer. Pressing CTRL & A, he has the entire post highlighted and is about to press the delete key, when a small twinge of guilt comes over him. He removes his finger and sits back to think about what was said.

A few minutes later, he decided to add a few more words of his own, in order to complete the post and schedule it for publication. He spends the next fifteen minutes staring at the screen, but nothing seems to come out. Finally, something does originate deep within that pea brain of his, and he begins to type away.

"There really isn't nothing more I can add to what has already been said here today. While what Mrs. Carter say is basically true, I am trying my best to tone it down in one venue (graphic descriptive sex) and turn it up in the other (descriptive sensuality). It isn't easy to do, but like she suggested, I am trying to find a better way of utilizing it, and the other things of the female form besides the aforementioned items."

A Triangle's Staccato Beat

I love cartoon music, both thematic and incidental. And I'm not talking about the garbage that passes for cartoon music nowadays, except for maybe a select few. I'm talking about the classic stuff from about the mid-70's backwards.

As a child of the 70's, I grew up watching the ever popular, ever omnipotent, the holy grail of animated cartooning, The Warner Brothers Looney Tunes/Merrie Melodies. Everything else was a distant second. How distant, you may ask?

Go on, ask

"G, how distant?"

Well, I'm glad you asked. My list in no particular order of importance:

1} The classic Popeye cartoons from the 30's through the early 40's. The version from the 60's don't even make it out rookie league ball (for those who are not from the States, I would equate it with probably 3rd division football).
2} Classic MGM, including Tom & Jerry.
3} Pink Panther et al.
4} Fat Albert.
5} Fractured Fairy Tales (including Rocky & Bullwinkle, Mr. Peabody, etc.)
6} Mighty Mouse (the original, not the remake by John K of Ren & Stimpy fame)

The only post mid-70's cartoon that would even make the cut are as follows:

1} Rocko's Modern Life (theme was done by the B-52's)
2} First version of Ren & Stimpy.
3} The Klasky-Csupo empire (Rugrats, etc), music done by Mark Mothersbaugh of Devo.
4} Tiny Toon Adventures.
5} Police Academy, the series (short lived, theme was done by Heavy D and the Boyz who did the music for "In Living Colour").

Beyond that, absolutely nothing else makes the cut. And I mean nothing.

Anyways, like I'm want to do from time to time, I make distinctions in various things, this time as it applies to cartoon music. I've always been partial to the cartoons that used orchestras to create the music (Carl Stalling is God) and I think it's because that early on, I was exposed to classical music. Not from the Warner Brothers extensive use of it, but from having to play a good quantity of it during my formative years*.

*I played clarinet and marched in a marching band. There will be absolutely no discussion on this point. None. Nada. Zip. Zilcho.

Anyways, the reason for the title of the post, is quite simple. Whenever I get into a decent frame of mind at work (which is infrequent at best), I love whistling different parts of the theme to the Pink Panther cartoons. The Pink Panther cartoons, which were produced by, among others, Isadore Freling and Chuck Jones, matched up quite well with some of the better MGM stuff. They were really in a league by themselves, due to (in my opinion) the continental flare that was Europe in the mid-60's, and with Henry Mancini doing the theme and incidental music, the cartoon was absolutely perfect. The man was a master of using just a few instruments to convey the proper emotional depth at the precise point needed.

To be more specific, I always start off with the opening notes of the theme's simple triangle staccato beat. It's virtually impossible to describe in print, but that opening triangle has become the most identifiable part of the cartoon. No matter what else that may come after that, its that hook that will get you to stop and take a peek at the telly.

When I'm whistling that theme, there is absolutely nothing that will be able to touch me and ruin my day.

Nothing.

Cartoon music. It's da bomb.

The City

Getting down to the wire as this is the second to last piece of flash fiction that will grace Flashing Georgie's Shorts for the foreseeable future.

This one sort of wrote itself.

I was driving home from work one warm mid-September day when I happened to spy a twenty-something lady walking down the sidewalk with her boyfriend. She was dressed to kill (at least for the Indian summer weather that day) and made quite a lasting impression on me (spent the entire time at two consecutive traffic lights looking into my side mirror).

By the time I got home, I had a basic outline written in my head on what I wanted to write it. I still had the small problem of what the content should be and more importantly, how provocative the content should be. Should be somewhat in the vein of this (option #1)? Or should it be somewhat in the vein of this (option #2)? Or should fall somewhere in between, such as this (option #3)?

After giving it some thought, I picked option #1. A couple of hours later, I had a nifty story in the same vein as option #1, with just a smattering of fantasy thrown in for good measure.

So as per the custom, no teasers, just the link.

Click here for the story