Fear Of The Unknown

Face it, we all have a fear of the unknown. For a blogger like myself, the fear of running out something intelligent to talk about with you the reader, is certainly by far the biggest unknown.

I spent most of this weekend while proofreading my galley, trying to think of something interesting/informative to talk about and share with you the reader.

I frequently touch on a myriad of sub-topics in this blog, which I've always try to connect to the main topics at hand: writing, chat rooms/Internet and work. And for the most part, I like to think I've succeeded. And judging by some of the comments I've gotten and the amount of people who are/were gracious enough to stop by and visit, I seem to be doing okay.

So for today, I thought I would touch on something that has always, in one form or another, shaped me and has gotten me to where I am today: the fear of failure.

Failure to me, or the fear of, has always been the one constant in my life. From making bad decisions that have taken me years to recover from, to someone making bad choices for me (think being laid off from work), failure has always nagged at me.

Fear of failure has plagued me throughout all aspects of my life, which in turn has pushed me to make foolhardy decisions, some of which came back to bite me and some of which worked out for the better

A prime example would be my writing. I had an agent for my book from Aug 2006 to Oct 2007. Then in the heat of the moment, I had terminated my agreement with the agent (which in hindsight, seems to be a good thing). The fear of having my book returned to me by someone saying, "Sorry, couldn't sell it." was too great, so I decided to make the first move.

Then I spent the next 8 months collecting rejection after rejection from other agents telling me either that my stuff wasn't any good or wasn't strong enough or the market was too fickle. Again the fear of letting myself down and proving certain others right, pushed me down the path of self-publishing.

Another example would be chat rooms. I had spent a very turbulent four months of 2008 in Topix, culminating in the suspension of one chat persona, due to what came out of my mouth. The fear of other people telling me what I could or could not say (read: censorship) was becoming very real, when my good friend Matt suggested that I start a blog.

After thinking about the possibilities of unleashing myself to the world at large, and the very real possibility of tying in the promotion/marketing of my book, I said to myself, "Go for it!"

So after a few fits and starts, here I is, sharing with you the reader, a little slice of me. With my outlook on work, my extensive dealings with chat rooms and my adventures in writing laid bare for the world to see, it will never be a dull moment on Cedar's Mountain.

The fear of the unknown can truly be a paralyzing thing. But with the help of good friends and a never-say-die attitude, the unknown can be stuffed back into the closet with the other maladies of childhood.

Yes, it can be a Steve Dallas kind of day, or it can be a Winnie the Pooh kind of day.

What kind of day do you want it to be today?