Brain Cramp

Up first, the disclaimer: The following post may contain language that will be offensive to certain peoples. If you are one of those certain peoples who are easily offended, please disregard this post and scroll down to the one on Suburbia.

I said, "

Then I said, "

But changing tactics, I then said, "

Finally, I said, "

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Has this ever happen to you? You find yourself staring at a blank piece of paper, or in this case, a blank computer screen, and say to yourself, "What the hell? I can't think of a fuckin' thing to write about!" Or even worse, attempt to write a paragraph like the one above.

Well ladies and gentlemen, have no fear. I too, have suffered from this crippling disease at various times during my writing career. I tried all kinds of way to cure it. I tried reading, I tried watching television, I even tried talking to the family in order to fill up the empty minutes of the day, but nothing seemed to work.

Then one day, inspiration struck. I had found the ultimate cure to my diseases: CHAT ROOMS!

Yes my friends, chat rooms.

The holy grail of boundless and unimaginable but certainly attainable ideas, plots and characters. Where else can you go and read to hearts content to get what you need for your current story? Even better, where else can you go to channel the flow of the conversation to what you want, simply by dropping in and making an irrelevant comment.

So what if people will hate you for sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong. So what if you don't know what the hell you're talking about. You're a writer, it doesn't matter if you don't have a clue in what you're talking about. You can fake it just like everyone else, only better.

Yes indeedy, in no time of all, you'll have enough plot ideas and mentally unbalanced characters to keep you occupied until turn old and gray. You'll be happily pecking away at your manuscript, grateful for the disappearance of the brain cramp and joyful for the nouns (Yay noun is a person, place or thing), verbs (verb! that's what's happening!), adverbs (Lolly, Lolly, Lolly get your adverbs here!), and adjectives (when I unpacked my adjectives, you can describe it with adjectives).

Pretty soon, your paragraphs will sound like this:
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He said, "You must pay the rent."

She said, "I can't pay the rent."

He said, "You must pay the rent!"

She said, "But I can't pay the rent!"

Then he bounded into the room and said, "I'll pay the rent!"

She said, "My hero!"

He now said, "Curses! Foiled again!"
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A best selling Dick and Jane primer is waiting just for you.
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All of the pop culture phrases used in this post were sampled from the following programs: Schoolhouse Rock (Noun Is A Person, Place, Or Thing; Verb! That's What's Happening!; Lolly, Lolly, Lolly Get Your Adverb Here; Unpack Your Adjectives); Zoom (local children's show from the 1970's, broadcasting out of Boston, MA)