Monday, June 29, 2009

Humor Will Get You Through Anything

Warning: this post may be a little too gross for you to read while eating, so don't read it while eating.

Any of you remember reading my comment in my 6/27 post about an unexpected something popping up and I would mention something about it later? Well, this is later.

My sense of humor never ceases to amaze me.

I'll let you in on a little secret: Over the years, my sense of humor, as warped as it is, has sometimes popped up in the most peculiar situations. Usually, but not always, it pops up after a particularly intense or difficult event involving myself or my family, friends and co-workers.

This past Friday, it reared its ugly head. About 6a, while I was going through my morning routine of eating breakfast and checking out all things computer related, I had an incredibly sharp pain rip across my lower back and take my breath away.

Naturally, I stopped what I was doing and made an attempt to take care of it by tripping upstairs to use the facilities. About five minutes later, it went away without any further problem and no action on my part, so I went back downstairs to continue with my morning routine. A couple of minutes later, same thing, this time more intense.

Back upstairs I went. This time though, I wound up saluting the porcelain gods. Within the span of ten minutes, I was on the couch writhing in pain and having the wife call 911. Off to the hospital I went, still writing in pain and saluting the porcelain gods, not to mention blowing an IV line (#1).

After a relatively pleasant trip through the city, I arrived at the hospital, still writhing in pain and saluting the porcelain gods. After spending about ten minutes or going through triage and slowly losing what lucidity I had for the morning (no drugs yet), I was brought over to a room, politely shifted over to a bed and waited for the nurse to come in and do her thang.

A little while later the nurse came in and set about getting me hooked up with an IV. After telling her that she might have a problem in finding a usable vein, she said that wouldn't be a problem (#2). Guess what boys and girls, it was a problem. Right after the latest attack of pain doubled me over in the bed and caused reverse digestion, I blew out the line in nothing flat, soaking the bed with all kinds of nifty meds.

Making light of the situation (and me apologizing for blowing the line), she went about trying to find a usable vein in the other arm (#3). This time she succeeded in getting me hooked up. After using about a mile of tape to keep it in, I wound up going through a battery of tests to determine what was wrong with me.

After a couple of hours, during which we had a few more episodes of tripling over in pain (was given a liquid dose of morphine to kill the pain) and turning my stomach inside out, it was finally determined that I was suffering through a kidney stone attack. Finally, the pain did subside enough (not because of the morphine, a good pain killer but it left me incredibly restless and semi-wasted for the rest of the day) to the point where I could be discharged and go home.

Throughout it all, even though I was in enough pain that I should of been dropping F bombs on ever single person within earshot, I managed to maintain my sense of humor. Even when a strange lady came walking into my room carrying her IV bag and used the bathroom, I still maintained my sense of humor. In that instance, I simply raised my eyebrow and looked at my wife. I was even able to make a crack about Dunkin' Donuts coffee while I was riding on the elevator to have CAT scan done.

If you have any sense of humor, chances are it will rear its ugly head when you least expect it, but in the end, it will always be appreciated. Especially if you spend 3 1/2 hours in the emergency room, and especially if you were forced to watch very bad morning talk shows while spending those 3 1/2 hours in the emergency room (can someone explain to me why morning talk shows are still wallowing in the trailer park trash fifteen years after trailer park trash was so not with it?).


  1. Golly - that sounds like an awful experience! I'm glad that your sense of humor kicked in.

    My dad was recently in the hospital. He inexplicably loves "The View!" We shake our heads in wonder. So we watched some of that and then Cash Cab, and that reality fisherman show. But the communal hospital waiting rooms always seem to have the chair throwing people on TV. :)

  2. G, you poor dear sweetie, that must've been sheer agony. Until the morphine kicked in.

    I don't know much about kidney stones or the treatment. Do they zap those?

    Gosh I sure feel for you. Hope you are okay today?

  3. Hope you're feeling better, and yes, humor often trumps misery, helps turn it around a little. Maybe? Hopefully? Too bad about watching the talk shows; sometimes it's really hard to believe it's 2009, isn't it.

  4. Lynn: My sense of humor actually kicked in around 6:30a when I was confronted by a couple of paramedics and a police officer. I had to explain what I took for meds three different times. Now mind you, I take five different meds every day, so after explaining for the second time, I had my wife grab the rest of my meds from the bedroom dresser.

    Jannie: They only zap them if they're a certain size (above 6mm). This one was a 3, and they said it should pass in a couple of days, but here it is Monday and I've yet to have anything leave my body beyond the norm.

    The morphine was okay, but it left me restless and blitzed for most of Friday. Also had a good case of laryngitis for the weekend.

    Joanne: Feeling much better today. Still a little blitzed but overall the day went okay.

    Talk shows. Man, it's been so long since I was home during the week that to watch one (Maury Povich I believe) left me scratching my head in bewilderment.

  5. That sounds rather intense. I had no idea kidney stones could be that awful. Glad to read you're feeling better.

  6. Thanks. I'm slowly getting back to my abnormal self at work.

  7. Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! I'm glad you're feeling better and I'm sorry you had unsettling side effects. I'm also truly sorry you were subjected to daytime TV! ;)

  8. Thanks.

    I'm telling ya, I've been away from daytime t.v. for so long that when I do watch it, it simply boggles the mind.

  9. The minute you said sharp back pain, I knew exactly what it was.

    My experience says that if you have a Kidney Stone and want to move up to the front of the list, vomit in front of the admitting nurse and writhe on the dirty floor yelling fuck alot. A mere 2 hours later they might find you a bed...and 45 minutes after that give you some morphine.

    Next time I call an ambulance so they can give me drugs immediately.

  10. geeze dude. I heard these things were nasty but your powers of description here are enough to put me off my food for sure. I feel for you.

  11. Bearman: Fortunately, this all started within the confines of home. I will say that people were surprised when I said that I spent 3 1/2 hours in the ER (and I got that reaction from a few medical staff I do payroll for).

    Unfortunately, no drugs on the ambulance, but I will say in all honesty, from beginning to end, everybody was courteous and professional in their dealings with me.

    Charles: I actually left a few things out, but to tell you the truth, it was a highlight of an otherwise crappy day here in CT (Tornado touched down in Wethersfield).

    The pain was so freakin' intense that it gave me a better understanding about labor pain.

    It also gave me a solid case of laryngitis for the weekend.

  12. G - I hope you are feeling better!

  13. I know two woman who have had kidney stones and children. One said the kid was worse...the other said the stone.

    For was like being in labor for 36 straight hours.

  14. You have to have humor in the worst of situations, or we would not be able to cope! Glad you are okay, sounds painful! Yikes!

  15. Lynn: doing much better. now I'm back to feeling crappy from the allergies/head cold that I was suffering from the day before (which sent me home sick in the first place from work0.

    Bearman: One of my coworkers went through something similar, so she can sympathize as well.

    That1Girl: The pain was indescribable. Humor does get me through a lot of the crappy stuff in my life.

  16. Wow- that sounds like a nightmare! Lets hope the salute doesn't return anytime soon!

    I decidedly have a sarcastic sense of humor myself- the ironic, that figures kind. It gets me to laugh when faced with bad crap- I believe I learned the technique from HawkEye on M*A*S*H*

  17. I used to have a sarcastic sense of humor, but that is mostly kept in the chat rooms nowadays. My sense of humor is more double entendre/observational in nature now.

    So far (knock on wood) the salute has been confined to simply that one day.

  18. I'm so sorry!!

    Good for you being able to laugh about it...or is that more like *wince*?

  19. Wince is more like it.

    The only other bad part about it is that I really didn't have any time to recover from it much. The weekend rolled around and I simply couldn't get any quiet time to simply rest my body. Went right back to work on Monday, and coupling that issue with the head cold I was suffering prior to this kidney stone attack, left me in a state of being basically fried.

  20. Kidney stones! A family member of mine had them twice (surgery for the second one) and it's the only time I ever saw him cry. Other men have told me it dropped them to the ground screaming.

    I can't believe you kept your sense of humor. My family member told me to get a knife and cut the pain out of him and he wasn't kidding. Good for you - I'm impressed.

  21. Pamela: It left me tripled over and hyperventilating, the pain was that excruciating.

    I don't think that I even cried the normal way. More like Al Pacino's character in "Godfarther III" when his daughter got killed. No sound, just vapor lock.

    Really was a no-brainer. It was either that or act like a complete idiot and leave a negative lasting impression on everyonoe.

  22. Hmm... nasty. Hope your back on track now. Where would be without humour to fall back on? I'd have flipped out years ago:)

    I don't watch any day time TV - it's all pretty abominable and as for those chat shows - I feel sorry for some of the folks who are exploited because they just don't know any better.

  23. Pretty much back on track. It was a hellacious 3 1/2 hours spent there, and that is something I would never wish on my worst enemy.

    Funny thing about daytime t.v.: back in the early 90's I used to be able to tell anyone what kiddy show was on at a given time on a given day, simply because of the daycare I had to do for my son before work.


Go on, give me your best shot. I can take it. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have created this wonderful little blog that you decided to grace with your presence today.

About that comment moderation thingy: While yes, it does say up above I can take it, I only use it to prevent the occasional miscreant from leaving thoughtless and/or clueless comments.

So remember, all of your comments are greatly appreciated and all answers will be given that personal touch that you come to expect and enjoy.

G. B. Miller

The Legal Disclaimer

All the content that you see here, except for the posting of links that refer to other off-blog stories, is (c) 2008-17 by G.B. Miller. Nothing in whole or in part may be used without the express written permission of myself. If you wish to use any part of what you see here, please contact me at