You know the drill, so TEN-HUT! ABOUT FACE! FORWARD, DOUBLE-TIME!!! AND GIT YURSELF OVER TO SHOOTING SUBURBIA FOR YOUR LATEST DOSE OF PICTORIAL GOODNESS!!! MOVE IT, MOVE IT, MOVE IT!!!
Boy that shure felt gud. Haven't done that in quite a spell ya know. Didja ever just want to start a blog post out by shouting at the type of your lungs, even tho' its bad manners to type yourself out in CAPITALS?
Now that the reading of last week's minutes are out of the way, we shall now move on to new busniss. A couple of weeks ago, a couple of new blogging buds, Bruce and Ms. Alvarez, tagged me with a couple of blogging awards/meme's.
Which is pretty cool, except for one small minor detail that is causing me a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit of a mental miscue.
I need to bloviate on at least twenty-one NEW things about myself.
Yes, you heard correctly, NEW things about myself. As most of my long time readers know oh so very well, I have spent the better part of three years talking about myself on this web blog, churning out 590 pieces of unique html for the general public to peruse at their leisure.
I have mined the vein so completely that about the only thing I have left to talk about is the truly private personal schtuff that stays among family, friends and the inner workings of my mind. Nevertheless, I will give it a go and see what kind of goodies I came come up with. And if I repeat myself, my sincerest apologies for doing so.
1} You would think that because I write stories dripping with all kinds sexual flavors and kinkiness, various kinds of blog posts on all kinds of strange sexually related topics, that I would be the type of person who would visit strip clubs/topless bars on a frequent basis. Well, you would be WRONG on that assumption. I have never set foot in any kind of strip club/topless bar. I have no problem watching it on cable (regular cable that is, not pay per view), have no problem with women who do that kind of thing for whatever reason (money to live on, to better yourself, finance a college education, etc), but visiting those places simply has no appeal to me. Which leads me to point #2.
2} I have been to Hooters only once. On a gift certificate. With the wife. The food was so-so, and honestly, if I want to look at a very attractive and well built woman, I would rather do it while I'm out and about, as opposed to sitting down at a restaurant where the theme is basically very erect T & heavily accentuated A.
3} I have walked away from a high speed rollover. During rush hour traffic. Driving a '74 Ford Pinto. With a full tank of gas. Without involving any other vehicles. Without wearing a seat belt. Without a scratch on my body.
4} I have impeccable rhythm. Ya, I know what you're thinking, but with the exception of 8th grade, I spent 3rd grade through my junior year of high school playing the clarinet. Because of this, I can keep pretty damn good time with any piece of music that I happen to hear. Doesn't matter what the genre, usually within a few seconds of listening, I can pick out the main back beat and maintain it through the entire song.
5} I am a walking encyclopedia of very bad sexual innuendo and double entendres. No matter what innocuous sentence you may utter in my presence, within a span of fifteen seconds, I can twist it around and make you either turn red and slap me, or just simply slap me (note, this only works with female friends and co-workers), or even better, give me that classic cartoon style dirty look before making a move to slap me.
6} I have the ability to whistle at the same tone as my office elevator pinging the floors as they sail on by.
7} While I may not be able to hold a note for a whole minute (props to Ms. Alvarez for being able to do that), I can carry a tune reasonably well. Or so I've been told by people that matter. Who? A co-worker whose daughter used to do the musical thing when she was younger (you know, like singing, writing her own music, recording her own c.d., going on tour, etc. etc. etc). I can also keep the same tune/tenor/nuances of a song relatively accurate as well. Oh, the downside of this is that my voice is perfect for old style country music/country rock but very crappy for rock.
8} I co-wrote exactly one song. While I don't have all the components (an ex-friend has it), the chorus went something like this: Lack of sleep is getting me down, Lack of sleep is getting me down, I'm so burned out its turning me around, lack of sleep is getting me down.
9} I have been cursed with a fantastic memory. You know, the kind of memory that sitcoms absolutely die to make fun of. Rain Man I'm not, but when someone can successfully pick my brain on a work related issue dating some twelve years ago, you know I got a good memory.
10} And finally, I seriously dated but one person in my life, and that didn't happen until I was 22. Suffice to say, I will be married that same exact number on June 10th to that one person that I seriously dated.