Sunday, January 30, 2011

I'll Poke Your Eyeball Out Iffn' You Don't Accept This Award!


Boy that shure felt gud. Haven't done that in quite a spell ya know. Didja ever just want to start a blog post out by shouting at the type of your lungs, even tho' its bad manners to type yourself out in CAPITALS?

Now that the reading of last week's minutes are out of the way, we shall now move on to new busniss. A couple of weeks ago, a couple of new blogging buds, Bruce and Ms. Alvarez, tagged me with a couple of blogging awards/meme's.

Which is pretty cool, except for one small minor detail that is causing me a liiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiittle bit of a mental miscue.

I need to bloviate on at least twenty-one NEW things about myself.

Yes, you heard correctly, NEW things about myself. As most of my long time readers know oh so very well, I have spent the better part of three years talking about myself on this web blog, churning out 590 pieces of unique html for the general public to peruse at their leisure.

I have mined the vein so completely that about the only thing I have left to talk about is the truly private personal schtuff that stays among family, friends and the inner workings of my mind. Nevertheless, I will give it a go and see what kind of goodies I came come up with. And if I repeat myself, my sincerest apologies for doing so.

1} You would think that because I write stories dripping with all kinds sexual flavors and kinkiness, various kinds of blog posts on all kinds of strange sexually related topics, that I would be the type of person who would visit strip clubs/topless bars on a frequent basis. Well, you would be WRONG on that assumption. I have never set foot in any kind of strip club/topless bar. I have no problem watching it on cable (regular cable that is, not pay per view), have no problem with women who do that kind of thing for whatever reason (money to live on, to better yourself, finance a college education, etc), but visiting those places simply has no appeal to me. Which leads me to point #2.

2} I have been to Hooters only once. On a gift certificate. With the wife. The food was so-so, and honestly, if I want to look at a very attractive and well built woman, I would rather do it while I'm out and about, as opposed to sitting down at a restaurant where the theme is basically very erect T & heavily accentuated A.

3} I have walked away from a high speed rollover. During rush hour traffic. Driving a '74 Ford Pinto. With a full tank of gas. Without involving any other vehicles. Without wearing a seat belt. Without a scratch on my body.

4} I have impeccable rhythm. Ya, I know what you're thinking, but with the exception of 8th grade, I spent 3rd grade through my junior year of high school playing the clarinet. Because of this, I can keep pretty damn good time with any piece of music that I happen to hear. Doesn't matter what the genre, usually within a few seconds of listening, I can pick out the main back beat and maintain it through the entire song.

5} I am a walking encyclopedia of very bad sexual innuendo and double entendres. No matter what innocuous sentence you may utter in my presence, within a span of fifteen seconds, I can twist it around and make you either turn red and slap me, or just simply slap me (note, this only works with female friends and co-workers), or even better, give me that classic cartoon style dirty look before making a move to slap me.

6} I have the ability to whistle at the same tone as my office elevator pinging the floors as they sail on by.

7} While I may not be able to hold a note for a whole minute (props to Ms. Alvarez for being able to do that), I can carry a tune reasonably well. Or so I've been told by people that matter. Who? A co-worker whose daughter used to do the musical thing when she was younger (you know, like singing, writing her own music, recording her own c.d., going on tour, etc. etc. etc). I can also keep the same tune/tenor/nuances of a song relatively accurate as well. Oh, the downside of this is that my voice is perfect for old style country music/country rock but very crappy for rock.

8} I co-wrote exactly one song. While I don't have all the components (an ex-friend has it), the chorus went something like this: Lack of sleep is getting me down, Lack of sleep is getting me down, I'm so burned out its turning me around, lack of sleep is getting me down.

9} I have been cursed with a fantastic memory. You know, the kind of memory that sitcoms absolutely die to make fun of. Rain Man I'm not, but when someone can successfully pick my brain on a work related issue dating some twelve years ago, you know I got a good memory.

10} And finally, I seriously dated but one person in my life, and that didn't happen until I was 22. Suffice to say, I will be married that same exact number on June 10th to that one person that I seriously dated.


  1. I'm cracking up over the whistling to the tune of the elevator pings - you could have fun with that talent on a crowded elevator!

    That's really naet about no. 10, G and probably very very rare. Nearly 22 years - where do those years go so quickly?

  2. Interesting! And I think it is neat that your wife has been the only one :)

  3. Talon: I taught myself how to whistle very, very late in my life (probably the early 2000's), and as you probably can guess, I don't do the familiar tunes that most people can do. I've practiced the elevator one usually when I'm riding by myself only because people think I'm strange enough as it is, and I don't want to give them any more fodder.

    I've often wondered the same thing about all of those years. In actuality, my wife and I have been together overall for 24 years.

    R: Thanks.

    Yeah, it does say something about true love don't it?

  4. I'm glad I'm not the only one to have seriously dated (and subsequently married) one person in my entire life! (Actually, for me, you can leave out "seriously" altogether -- which means I didn't even DATE until I was 19... hopefully that's not too sad.) It'll be 18 years in August, and I have NO idea where all that time has gone! :)

  5. I think so. Everyone prior to Mr. RK seems like it isn't even worthy of the same level of thought. (Others have weird and silly levels, hence the shower post...)

  6. congrats on the wedding - it's a great night, we enjoyed ours immensely . you know where you're having the reception?

  7. Lisa: You mean I've been married longer than you have? Wowzers! :D

    No, not too sad. I actually dated someone else prior to my wife, but it was more of a May-December kind of thing (I was about six years older than she was) and platonic.

    R: That shower post.....IDK, that shower post....

    Ryan: I should've clarified that come June 10th I will have been married 22 years.

    I should write about my wedding day because it was one of the strangest days I've ever had in my life.

  8. I like your lack of sleep song. :)

  9. Nice list! For some reason I did know some of these facts about you. I think I may have picked them up from comments on other people's blogs.

    I wish I was cursed with a fantastic memory. I can't remember a damn thing.

  10. Lynn: Thanks.

    The song itself was about the trials and tribulations of fatherhood as I wrote it when my son was but a little infant, that would be about 1992/93.

    Joe: You may be right about that. I've talked so much about myself in the preceeding 3 years that it wouldn't surprise me if this entire list was repeated somewhere in the blog world.

    Sometimes, not having a good memory is better than having a good memory.

  11. VERY glad you walked way from that rollover.

    I've never been to Hooters Or a strip bar. :)

    Ahh, those marriages tend to last longer, than if people have a lot of partners before they marry. Good on you, Mate!


  12. Jannie: Thanks, I'm pretty glad I walked away from it as well. Considering the amount of terror I went through in those few seconds, I'm surprised that I didn't go off the deep end afterwards.

    I tell ya, it really is strange that I haven't gone into a strip club. When I used to deliver pizzas, we would frequently make deliveries to the three or four that populated my town and the surrounding area. I would always give up my delivery, and trust me, I had a lot of willing volunteers.

  13. A fantastic memory is a treasure. No wonder you're so creative. I'm glad that you and your lovely "date" are still courting after all these years. The Hooters one made me giggle. Now that image will be with me all day. LOL

  14. Kelly: The Hooters one is the truth. An ungodly percentage of women who work at Hooters often wind up in the pages of magazines like Maxim, etc.

  15. I'd trade you memories any day. Mine's shot full of holes from too much stress and trauma. Years of my life are just gone. If I don't take my thyroid pill FIRST thing in the morning (& even half the times I do,) there'll be no remembering whether or not I took it just 5 minutes later.
    You want a curse? Go ahead & trade me.

  16. Lana: Sorry to hear that your memory has been afflicted that badly by the events in your life.

    Meant no disrespect with my memory comment. I had mentioned it simply because most of the people/co-workers in my life have a tendency to rely more on my memory for certain things instead of using the noodle that God gave them to do the research themselves.


Go on, give me your best shot. I can take it. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have created this wonderful little blog that you decided to grace with your presence today.

About that comment moderation thingy: While yes, it does say up above I can take it, I only use it to prevent the occasional miscreant from leaving thoughtless and/or clueless comments.

So remember, all of your comments are greatly appreciated and all answers will be given that personal touch that you come to expect and enjoy.

G. B. Miller

The Legal Disclaimer

All the content that you see here, except for the posting of links that refer to other off-blog stories, is (c) 2008-17 by G.B. Miller. Nothing in whole or in part may be used without the express written permission of myself. If you wish to use any part of what you see here, please contact me at