To all my readers and followers, please keep in mind that I have now moved over to my new blog, Father Nature's Corner, so Cedar's Mountain is now on a semi-permanent hiatus.

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Monday, November 21, 2011

A Blonde's Common Sense?

I know I'm gonna get crucified for this but as I'm fond of saying when I get a blinding case of the obvious, I had no brain cells over the weekend to write something original

Blonde #1

As a Boston trucker stops for a red light, a blond driver jumps out of the car behind him, runs up to his truck and knocks on the door. The trucker lowers the window, and she says, "Hi, my name is Stephanie, and you are losing some of your load!" The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street. When they stop for the next red light, she does the same thing and again at the third red light. But this time, when the light turns green, the trucker revs up and races to the next light. After he stops, he hurriedly gets out of his truck and runs back to the blonde's car, knocks on her window, and as she is lowering it, says, "Hi, my name is Ken, it's winter here in Boston, and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK!"

Blonde #2

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied every book, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough, and out she went for her first ice fishing trip.

She carefully gathered up and packed all the tools and equipment needed for the excursion. Each piece of equipment had its own special place in her kit.

When she got to the ice, she found a quiet little area, placed her padded stool, and carefully laid out her tools. Just as she was about to make her first cut into the ice, a booming voice from the sky bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Startled, the blonde grabbed up all her belongings, moved further along the ice, poured some hot chocolate from her thermos, and started to cut a new hole. Again the voice from above bellowed, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Amazed, the blonde wasn't quite sure what to do, as this certainly wasn't covered in any of her books. She packed up her gear and moved to the far side of the ice. Once there, she stopped for a few moments to regain her calm. Then she was extremely careful to set everything up perfectly--tools in the right place, chair positioned just so, everything.

Just as she was about to cut this new hole, the voice came again, "There are no fish under the ice!"

Petrified, the blonde looked skyward and asked, "Is that you Lord?"

The voice boomed back, "No, this is the manager of the skating rink!"

Blonde #3

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything she would need were in the garage. The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all those 'dumb blonde' jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied. "And I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50 and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added. "It's not a Porsche, it's a Lexus."

Blonde #4

Dear Diary,

Last year, I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive double-pane energy efficient kind...but this week I got a call from the contractor complaining that his work had been completed a whole year ago and I had yet to pay for them...boy oh boy, did we go around!!

Just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.

So I proceeded to tell him just what his fast talking sales guy had told me last year...that in one year the window would pay for themselves.

There was silence on the other end of the line, so I just hung up and I have not heard back...guess I won that stupid argument....

16 comments:

  1. Sometimes standing still is a good thing. Sometimes taking a day off from you blog is a good thing too.
    From a blond in Verona :)Bea

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  2. Good ones. I like the "Porsche/ Lexus one best

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  3. Ha ha, Georgie!! Hilarious. Thanks.

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  4. hahaha too funny, although you might get some flack from the blondes..haha..loved the last one.

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  5. That last one gave me a chuckle. Thanks, G. I hope you have a terrific week, sir.

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  6. Bea: I don't try to take too many days off from my blog. Makes me rusty and mildewy. :D

    Charles: Thankee sir. Sometimes saving really old e-mails does pay off in the end.

    Jewel: Thank you young lady!

    Pat: I'm expecting to get a little flack from a few of my favorite blondes from the blog world. :D

    David: You're more than welcome and I hope you have a good week too.

    Joe: Kewl song by The Go-go's. :D

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  7. I am just impressed you found a blond joke I had not heard...and probably told...well done

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  8. Darth: Thankee.

    Yeah, I figured it would be a long shot to post a few blonde jokes that people might not have heard off. Considering I got this particular group of jokes back in 2004, I figured I was pretty much safe.

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  9. I used to tell these all the time when I was blond ;)

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  10. That first one cracked me up. I never saw it coming.

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  11. Zing! #3 is my favourite.
    I work with a natural blonde, and she refers to her occasional goofs as "having a blonde moment". :-)

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  12. hah -- the windows would pay for themselves!!!

    i LOVE blonde jokes!!!

    xoxo

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  13. R: You? A blonde? That would have definitely been a neat picture to see. :D

    Mama Z: Thankee. :D

    S.R.: I work with a couple of blondes and neither one refer to their goofs as "blonde moments".

    But I do. :D

    Jannie: Blonde jokes are cool, so long as they don't get too trippy. :D

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  14. I needed a laugh- Hadn't seen those yet, Thanks!

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  15. Snaggle: You're more than welcome for the chuckles.

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Go on, give me your best shot. I can take it. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have created this wonderful little blog that you decided to grace with your presence today.

About that comment moderation thingy: While yes, it does say up above I can take it, I only use it to prevent the occasional miscreant from leaving thoughtless and/or clueless comments.

So remember, all of your comments are greatly appreciated and all answers will be given that personal touch that you come to expect and enjoy.

G. B. Miller

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