Sunday, February 19, 2012

Understanding Job Advertisements

Before you rush to apply for that too-good-to-be true job, here's some advice on translating corporate ad-speak into practical English.

1} Must have an eye for detail

Translation: "We have no quality control."

2} Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience

Translation: "You'll need it to replace three people who just left."

3} No phone calls please

Translation: "We've filled the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality."

4} Problem solving skills a must

Translation: "You're walking into a company in perpetual chaos."

5} Requires team leadership skills

Translation: "You'll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect."

6} Good communications skills

Translation: "Management communicates, you listen and figure out what they want."

7} Must be deadline oriented

Translation: "You'll be six months behind schedule on your first day."

8} Flexible hours

Translation: "Work 40 hours, get paid for 25."

9} Duties will vary

Translation: "Anyone in the office can boss you around."

10} Ability to handle a heavy workload

Translation: "You whine, you're fired."


  1. lol! I loved your corporate speak interpretations, G! And all of them so very very true! :)

  2. Talon: Thankee.

    Although after reading this again, these can actually apply to the guv'ment sector as well.

  3. lol. You're a very astute interpreter of corporate lingo.

  4. Joanne: Thankee.

    Wish I could take the full credit, but alas, someone beat me to the punch.

  5. Ha ha, just returned to the UK from the States and needed a good laugh! Thanks!

  6. Joe: You're more than welcome.

    Hope your flight was sane and uneventful.

  7. LOL each one is sooo very true, especially the no phone call one. Hate when they go through all that crap and already have it filled, dirty bleeps.

  8. thanks for the translations. I rather suspected as much. :)

  9. Pat: This is so prevelant in the public sector like you would not believe.

    I can't tell you the amount of times that I've gone through a dog and pony show simply because they needed to fulfill the legal requirement for a job.

    Sucks big time.

    Charles: I think we've all suspected as much from time to time. :D

  10. M: Number 6 is a special skill set all on its own.

    If you can master that, you are truly the king or queen of your corporate domain.

  11. Mama Z: Absotively Posilutely!

  12. Love it! And so very, very true!

    Also we have one over here which reads;

    "Competitive salary" - as far as I can work out that actually means;

    "F**k all- but I'm not going to tell you till the very last moment when you've really got your hopes up."

  13. Jane: To me, "competitive salary" means that they say that to get you hired, then once you're hired, you find out that you're only competing with your fellow co-workers who are also equally underpaid.


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