Monday, September 10, 2012

Humor Circa The 20th Century

Originally forwarded to me back in July 2000. Enjoy!

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
The shoplifter special

On a bar of Dial soap: Directions, use like regular soap.
And that would be how...?

On some Swanson frozen dinners: Serving suggestion--Defrost.
But, it's just a suggestion

On Tesco's Tiramisu desdert (printed on bottom of box): Do not turn upside down.
Too late!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating.
As night follows day....

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body.
But would this save even more time?

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping.
Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair

On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: Do not drive a car or opertate machinery after taking this medication.
We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head colds off those forklifts

On Nytol Sleep Aid: Warning, may cause drowsiness.
One would hope

On most brands of Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only.
As opposed to what?

On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use.
I gotta admit, I'm curious

On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning, contains nuts.
Talk about a news flash

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions, open packet, eat nuts.
Step 3, fly Delta

On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
I don't blame the company. I blame parents for this one

On a Swedish chain saw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.
Did this really happen somewhere? My God!


  1. Funny, G. Favorite is the Sears hairdryer. Like you would have to tell someone that.

  2. Ha ha. Now have you ever heard of Tescos and Sainsbury's? :D Or Marks and Spencer?

  3. What is sad is that companies have to do this to prevent lawsuits from morons who don't have common sense

  4. David: Pretty sad if you have to tell people the incredibly obvious. :D

    Joe: Vaguely. I figured they had to be businesses from the UK, especially the one who sold bread pudding. I think the only time that I see that is in the import aisle at my local supermarket.

    Debra: I have a boatload of these old e-mails from my first state job at the library. About the only we did with our free time back then was to forward cheesy e-mails. :D

    Bearman: The warnings on the nuts are really comical if you think about it.

    I've seen on a container of mixed nuts the following warning: Made on equipment that processes milk, soy and nut products.

  5. I thought it was bad enough that coffee cups now say, "Be careful, the beverage you are about to enjoy is extremely hot!" Well, I sure as hell hope so. But then I saw one warning people that an iced drink was cold. Not kidding.

  6. M: Somehow, I believe that there are even stupider warnings out there.

    The joys of keep lawyers employed.

  7. Combining the last two...and even when wearing a Superman costume, "Do not attempt to stop chainsaw with your hands or genitals.

  8. Well, for those Christmas lights, they're not for use in outer space or inside the sun.

  9. G.A.: Brilliant!

    Charles: That's two places I haven't even remotely thought of.

  10. Oh, I'm just imagining someone ironing clothes on body ! LOL! These are priceless...

  11. Jenny: Thanks for stopping by to comment.

    Yeah, it seems like only in sitcoms would someone be daft enough to iron their clothers right on their body.


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