Friday, September 14, 2012

I Know And You Don't, But I'll Remind You In Perpetuity


Everybody has them, some more than others.

In my particular world view, when it comes to holding secrets, there are three groups and one subgroup of people who can hold them.;

Most of us fall into the first group, in that we can keep a secret that is told to us in strict confidence. Most of us also fall into the subgroup of not keeping a secret if it's detrimental to another person's (or animal's) well being and/or safety. I have complete respect for those people.

Then there are those of the creative persuasion who have a secret, but can only tell us dribs and drabs because of a need to have all of their ducks in a row, all of their "i"'s dotted and "t"'s crossed, contracts signed, etc. before they can tell us what kind of special project that they're involved in. I have complete respect for those people as well, since they will eventually let you know what the hush-hush was all about.

Finally, there are those who fall into the group that bothers me the most and thus, the crux of this post. They are the ones who have a secret, will let you know that they have secret, and will keep perpetually reminding you that they have a secret, but don't you dare ask them what it is, because after all, it's a secret and they're not supposed to tell.

I happen to follow a blog written by a local t.v. celebrity, and he happens to do this with a frequency that borders on being both insulting and condescending at the same time. He will often allude to his "secret" friend on the West Coast, that he won't tell you about but will make sure that you know that this person is a somebody out there, and that's all you need to know about his "secret" friend. And that you should be jealous.

Also, from time to time, he'll serve up another tasty nugget about something, then say, "I know a lot more, but it's a secret."

My point is: So what?

If it's such a secret, why the hell do you keep bringing it up? Must you always add that little tag line "It's a secret" to the end of every interesting point that you write? Do you really have that kind of condescending opinion of your readers?

Is it so hard to say, "my friend from the West Coast"? Is it really necessary to rub it in that you know a somebody? Is it some kind of major ego trip that makes you do this?

When this person, or anyone else for that matter, does something like this, it always reminds me an old commercial about prejudice:

In other words, don't hammer the point home that you have secrets that you won't share. It simply makes you look superior to everyone else. Or worse, it makes you look like someone with zero class and zero respect.

If you got a secret that doesn't put anyone in jeopardy, don't allude to it unless you're willing to suffer the consequences of sharing.


  1. His friend in LA is a lowly production assistant.

  2. Hmmm. I have some thoughts on this very subject, but they're secret.

  3. I have suggested on my blog a time or two that I have a secret, but I always reveal it eventually!

  4. Bearman: If only that was the case, then things would be soooooo much easier to deal with.

    Debra: Do tell, do tell. Unless of course, they were given to you in the strictest confidence and thus can never be revealed.

    Charles: And I respect you for that, for you are one of those implied creative types that I'd menitoned in the post.

    All the writers that I've come across in the past few years, whenever they've mentioned some hush-hush project, always revealed in the end what it was.

    M: Thankee.

  5. And what about those ambiguous status updates on Facebook? You know, where someone will just post, "Worst day ever!" or "I can't believe what just happened -- so happy!" Or, even worse, a one-word exclamation like, "ugh" or "wow."

    And then, when someone asks for more information, the original poster will act all coy and say something like, "I can't say any more about it right now..." Well, then WHY did you say anything about it to begin with?? Grrrrrr... that annoys me so much... :)

  6. Lisa: Haven't given too much thought about that, but yeah, those kind of updates are incedibly annoying.

    Like why mention it if you're not gonna elaborate?

  7. If someone knows something I don't know, that shouldn't make them feel smug. I'm 100% sure that I know plenty of things that they don't know.

  8. S.R.: Agreed.

    I will always respect a person's privacy when it comes to something like that, so long as they don't whack me over the head with it. If they want to elaborate, they will. Otherwise, they (at least the people I personally know) will apologize for bringing it up.

  9. Have you noticed that the one who says they have a secret often feeds you titbits of information then backs off saying, 'I'm not at liberty to say anything more....'.

    Frankly, I'd rather they didn't tell me anything, rather than a partial slice of whatever secret they've been entrusted with! (and I wouldn't entrust them with anything I wanted kept secret in the first place!)

  10. Sue: This particular individual is notorious for pulling that kind of crap.

    I agree with your statement.

    Don't tell me anything that you're not willing to completely reveal in the first place, and I would definitely not entrust someone like that to begin with.

  11. I don't say anything about anything. I love you all too much to have to kill you.

  12. Chris: A very comforting thought. :D

  13. Why would that person do that? So silly. Does that blog have other redeeming qualities?

  14. Lynn: I used to think so. I originally found the blog via a Facebook page that was set up for him when he was uncerimoniously let go by another t.v. station.

    But now...I don't know.

  15. Do I have any secrets? Maybe I can make a buck off them.

  16. David: That beats mine. All mine can do is simply weave a path of bad job reviews for others.

  17. I don't think I've ever experienced that on a blog, but I do find it a bit amusing when bloggers write about "big changes that are coming soon". I tend to think, well so what! It's not that I don't want to see the new changes but it kinda makes too much of an issue of something pretty mundane. It's a bit like ebay at the moment. They have a new logo and yet they are going on about all the new changes coming soon! Whoopee it's a new logo, not a cure for cancer.

  18. Joe: Very true.

    Usually when someone says that changes are coming, changes aren't really coming that are earth shattering in the larger scheme of things. Just in the smaller scheme of their world.


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