Breakfast is the 2nd most fun you can have while eating. Why? Because depending on your age and work habits, almost anything can pass for breakfast. And contrary to popular opinion, it is not the most important meal of the day (just ask my daughter Jenelle)
And to give you the 4-1-1 on breakfast, here is my good bud Yello Bear, who made sure that he got good and smashed at yesterday's wild office party in preparation to today's informative monologue. Take it away Yello Bear!
Oh man, never, repeat, never mix Jagermeister with Tequila. Uggh...I think my blood alcohol is still sitting in the 1.9's. Still, you'll be happy to know that I did not drink and drive to get here today. I drank and crawled on my hands and knees. Do you know long it takes to crawl from that there tree down to the basement? And don't ask how I got to the tree. All I know is that there was a lot of screaming, squeezing and somehow I woke up with four telephone numbers pinned to my sweater.
Anyways, back to today's topic. If you're a kid, chances are that breakfast usually involves cereal hot or cold), juice/milk, and some kind of toast/waffle/pastry. Maybe some kind of egg product is involved, maybe some kind of meat (MEAT!) as well.
As you get older, your tastes change. Maybe you skip the hot cereal and just have a bowl of cold. Perhaps some kind of nuke 'em egg product or some kind of leftover ('fess up, you probably did this like G.B. did while growing up. Pizza anyone?).
And finally, when you get to be an adult, breakfast can be whatever you happen to find while running around like a chicken with their head cut off trying to get to work on time.
Whoops, excuse me.
the sound of a toilet flushing some three minutes later is the unmistakable sign that last night did not agree with Yello Bear.
Uggh....gotta remember to chew it back. Anyways, I'm sure most of you are not like that last example, and in fact either have a sensible breakfast M thru F or indulge on the weekends.
For G.B., breakfast has more or less become like his lunch, in that he has to watch his caloric and sugar intake. Let me describe to you what G.B.'s typical breakfast is 99% of the time.
After his cat Holly wakes him up for her breakfast, he collects his morning beds and staggers downstairs to feed himself and the cat. Holly's is dry cat food (no wet, 'cause wet equals barfing.
He nukes water for his coffee, and yes, he does instant. To him, coffee is coffee, unless it's from D&D, in which case it tastes like Autocrat on steroids. In other words, crap.
While the water is boiling, he toasts two frozen waffles (or bread if he's out of waffles) and pours himself a bowl of either generic rice krispies, cheerios or corn flakes (sugar content on all is less than 3g per). He takes out either two small pieces of sausages to nuke or two slices of turkey bacon to nuke once the water is boiled.
He then takes out a ziploc bag of canned fruit and takes exactly two pieces out and puts them in a small bathroom cup. This, believe it or not, is actually one of his two servings of fruit for the day.
Excuse me again....
The sound of a toilet flushing yet again some three minutes later is the unmistakable sign that this morning isn't going to well for Yello Bear.
Uggh...by this time the meat is done and he plops the waffles/toast on the plate. He then pours either some sugar free syrple or spreads some oleo on the toast and thus, breakfast is depressingly done.
The other 1% of the time is when G.B. splurges while grocery shopping and buys either a four pack of nuke 'em egg thingys or one of those nuke 'em breakfast bowl thingys (took G.B. an awfully long time to eat scrambled eggs in a non sandwich form).
So his breakfast looks like this for at least 4 days a week:
1} Waffles (w/syrup or sliced cheese)/Toast (with cheese or s.f. jelly).
2} Meat (sausage or turkey bacon).
3} Cereal (always cold, never hot, and only 2% of the time does he have cereal that isn't what was previously mentioned).
4} Coffee (no cream/milk. He has an intense dislike of liquid milk/cream or dry creamer) with three sugar substitutes.
5} Two very small pieces of fruit.
The only time he will eat non-sandwich style eggs M-F is if he actually goes to a restaurant, and has someone cook it for him. On a rare weekend, he will actually cook himself eggs, but that usually becomes a fried egg sandwich for lunch.
Since my stomach is churning once again from talking about food, I need to split the scene for a spell. Before I do, G. B. wanted me to ask you what's on your plate for the first meal of the day?
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