To all my readers and followers, please keep in mind that I have now moved over to my new blog, Father Nature's Corner, so Cedar's Mountain is now on a semi-permanent hiatus.

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Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Breakfast!

Lunch!

Breakfast is the 2nd most fun you can have while eating. Why? Because depending on your age and work habits, almost anything can pass for breakfast. And contrary to popular opinion, it is not the most important meal of the day (just ask my daughter Jenelle)

And to give you the 4-1-1 on breakfast, here is my good bud Yello Bear, who made sure that he got good and smashed at yesterday's wild office party in preparation to today's informative monologue. Take it away Yello Bear!


Oh man, never, repeat, never mix Jagermeister with Tequila. Uggh...I think my blood alcohol is still sitting in the 1.9's. Still, you'll be happy to know that I did not drink and drive to get here today. I drank and crawled on my hands and knees. Do you know long it takes to crawl from that there tree down to the basement? And don't ask how I got to the tree. All I know is that there was a lot of screaming, squeezing and somehow I woke up with four telephone numbers pinned to my sweater.

Anyways, back to today's topic. If you're a kid, chances are that breakfast usually involves cereal hot or cold), juice/milk, and some kind of toast/waffle/pastry. Maybe some kind of egg product is involved, maybe some kind of meat (MEAT!) as well.

As you get older, your tastes change. Maybe you skip the hot cereal and just have a bowl of cold. Perhaps some kind of nuke 'em egg product or some kind of leftover ('fess up, you probably did this like G.B. did while growing up. Pizza anyone?).

And finally, when you get to be an adult, breakfast can be whatever you happen to find while running around like a chicken with their head cut off trying to get to work on time.

Whoops, excuse me.

the sound of a toilet flushing some three minutes later is the unmistakable sign that last night did not agree with Yello Bear.

Uggh....gotta remember to chew it back. Anyways, I'm sure most of you are not like that last example, and in fact either have a sensible breakfast M thru F or indulge on the weekends.

For G.B., breakfast has more or less become like his lunch, in that he has to watch his caloric and sugar intake. Let me describe to you what G.B.'s typical breakfast is 99% of the time.

After his cat Holly wakes him up for her breakfast, he collects his morning beds and staggers downstairs to feed himself and the cat. Holly's is dry cat food (no wet, 'cause wet equals barfing.

He nukes water for his coffee, and yes, he does instant. To him, coffee is coffee, unless it's from D&D, in which case it tastes like Autocrat on steroids. In other words, crap.

While the water is boiling, he toasts two frozen waffles (or bread if he's out of waffles) and pours himself a bowl of either generic rice krispies, cheerios or corn flakes (sugar content on all is less than 3g per). He takes out either two small pieces of sausages to nuke or two slices of turkey bacon to nuke once the water is boiled.

He then takes out a ziploc bag of canned fruit and takes exactly two pieces out and puts them in a small bathroom cup. This, believe it or not, is actually one of his two servings of fruit for the day.

Excuse me again....

The sound of a toilet flushing yet again some three minutes later is the unmistakable sign that this morning isn't going to well for Yello Bear.

Uggh...by this time the meat is done and he plops the waffles/toast on the plate. He then pours either some sugar free syrple or spreads some oleo on the toast and thus, breakfast is depressingly done.

The other 1% of the time is when G.B. splurges while grocery shopping and buys either a four pack of nuke 'em egg thingys or one of those nuke 'em breakfast bowl thingys (took G.B. an awfully long time to eat scrambled eggs in a non sandwich form).

So his breakfast looks like this for at least 4 days a week:

1} Waffles (w/syrup or sliced cheese)/Toast (with cheese or s.f. jelly).
2} Meat (sausage or turkey bacon).
3} Cereal (always cold, never hot, and only 2% of the time does he have cereal that isn't what was previously mentioned).
4} Coffee (no cream/milk. He has an intense dislike of liquid milk/cream or dry creamer) with three sugar substitutes.
5} Two very small pieces of fruit.

The only time he will eat non-sandwich style eggs M-F is if he actually goes to a restaurant, and has someone cook it for him. On a rare weekend, he will actually cook himself eggs, but that usually becomes a fried egg sandwich for lunch.

Since my stomach is churning once again from talking about food, I need to split the scene for a spell. Before I do, G. B. wanted me to ask you what's on your plate for the first meal of the day?

14 comments:

  1. I drink instant coffee in the morning too. Eff you, coffee snobs!

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  2. So glad I avoided the jaegermeister and tequila.

    I LOVE breakfast!!

    My breakfasts vary, but I like protein. Today it was Christmas left-over dinner and LOTS of coffee, I take mine with cream, tho. And REAL sugar. :)

    HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

    I'll not tell my girl what your girl says about breakfast!

    xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Cereal. I'm never hungry in the morning but have to eat. Love my iced sugar-free mochas though.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Debra: It usually does not matter what kind of instant G.B. uses. If he can find it under $3 a jar and not decaffienated, he grabs it.

    Jannie: Back in the day when he was a youngster, G.B. would eat just about anything for breakfast, like leftovers.

    Strangely enough, he didn't do coffee, but did do lots of tea.

    Yeah, that Jagermeister is still leaving the mouth with so much fur that I can't tell whether or not I'm coming or going.

    R.K.: Breakfast of the working poor.

    Man, got such a wicked hangover right now that it feels like someone is banging on my head with q-tip.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I love a big, hot breakfast like I had with my family Christmas morning, but my daily breakfast is vanilla yogurt, granola and blueberries. Same thing every day. :) But on the weekends, I venture into hot breakfast territory and have poached eggs on toast. Yum.

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  6. Lynn: Poached eggs on toast sounds awfully good, and as soon as my stomach calms down, I'll go out and get me some.

    G.B. hasn't gone to a sit down restaurant in years, but he did tell the biggest hot breakfast he ever had was at the local diner, in which he had eggs over easy, bacon, sausage, home fries and toast.

    Man, that's almost enough food to make me forget about my honey shots.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I missed something. Cereal is daily...

    ReplyDelete
  8. Health tip for breakfast: pop tarts. They are fast, easy, delicious, and most important, a GOOD source for 8 vitamins and minerals. Not just A source...a GOOD source.

    Says so right on the box. The box would not lie. Trust them...

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  9. It is never really breakfast unless it is Bacon, eggs, toast and juice. Pizza, cereal or other delights are simply breakfast snacks. And who invented that tiny granola bar and dared to call it breakfast???

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  10. R.K.: I's wood thinks that cereals would be a daily things, excepts for Yello Bears, it's an hourly ting.

    Darth: Yello Bears LUVES POPS tARTS!!! He can eats then all day! and it's tru, the boxes dun't lie!

    Granny Annie: Granola? Who woods eats dirts and rocks and seeds fur brakefas? Eggs are gud. I coulds probablys eats them all day, just likes my friends the Muskrate from Deputy Dawg.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Yello Bear seems to have had fun. He should try those numbers. I eat breakfast when I'm off work but not usually during work periods.

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  12. Charles: Yello Bears only ets brekfass when he's in betwine thrudy pacs.

    Butts, i do's like to over-indullge in numbers two. Gudd schtuff that side of cowhide.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Having quit both coffee n Chewing in general- I can tell you this stuff sounds heavenly to me! I especially miss crunching Rice Krispies... Wah!
    Consider yourself called Lucky!

    Mostly I eat breakfast for supper now. I just had a ham n cheese omelet for dinner.
    I forgot to mention I no longer eat Nuked anything- Take convenience out of the equation- unless I brought home a muffin from yesterday at work-
    Before work I usually eat some of the peanut butter or banana while I'm making lunch to bring. n tea. plain. that's it!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Snaggle: NOt nuked? Butt...butt...butt...nuked schtuff is da best chews exercize that Yello Bears gets.

    No chewing and no coffees??? Butt...butt...butt...I thinks meye cloggs arteries can't take it no mores...

    ReplyDelete

Go on, give me your best shot. I can take it. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have created this wonderful little blog that you decided to grace with your presence today.

About that comment moderation thingy: While yes, it does say up above I can take it, I only use it to prevent the occasional miscreant from leaving thoughtless and/or clueless comments.

So remember, all of your comments are greatly appreciated and all answers will be given that personal touch that you come to expect and enjoy.

G. B. Miller

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