Thursday, February 28, 2013

Number 333, Take Duece

Once again we took out our pick axe and this time spent several minutes mining the year 2009 for the next redeaux, and we had successful conclusion to our endeavors when dug up blog post number 333. Blog post number 333 contains a nifty little diatribe about the hazards of being a pedestrian, and since the main goal of this new series is to write an update to the original, an update is what I shall do.

This one should be a no-brainer, since it just so happens that I've had a few close encounters this week with the human species worst invention since the wheel. I call this one....

Puree of Parking Lot!

This past week, I've had a few near misses in which I came this-close to becoming puree of parking lot. Puree of parking lot, in my very humble opinion, is the ultimate worst case scenario that you can have as a pedestrian.

Think about. If you're a pedestrian walking down a street or a sidewalk and a car comes at you, not only do you have a lot of room to get out of the way, but you don't have to worry much about getting slammed by another car. In a parking lot, if you tried to get out of the way, you run a very real risk of getting schmacked by another car.

Such was the case two nights ago (2/25).

I had stopped at my local gas station to run an errand before going grocery shopping. I pulled into the parking lot and parked on the side. Leaving my wife in the car, I got out and starting walking towards the entrance. Suddenly, some yahoo who decided to change directions and go back to the gas island that he had driven by, started backing up in my direction. Worried, I changed my direction to avoid him. Oblivious to his surroundings, he changed directions and stayed on the same course of action.

Seriously worried, I changed directions to avoid him. Still oblivious to his surroundings, he changed directions and stayed on the same course of action.

Now I know you're probably wondering why I didn't yell at him, and there is a simple reason for that. I've been in pissy mood since the weekend and although I did not take out on the family, I would've been more than happy to take it out on someone else. However, because I still value my job (my job frowns on negative contact with the constabulary), I kept my mouth shut and changed directions one more time, and this time, we had success in dodging the wannabe and his pussy SUV.

The next encounter was yesterday leaving work.

An ungodly percentage of American drivers drive like freakin' maniacs in parking lots. If the posted/common sense speed limit is 15 miles per hour, you go 15 miles per hour. You don't go 30 miles an hour in a work place parking lot. Only Richards go 30 miles an hour in a work place parking lot. Only Richards will give you dirty looks if you step in front of them and force them to either slow down or apply their brakes.

Such was the case here.

I was walking down the ramp and saw that a car was speeding from the far end of the parking towards the employee entrance, with the intended destination being the front exit. So with zero thought for my safety and 100% thought of pissing the driver off by making him slow down/stop, I continued walking down the ramp and into his path of travel. This forced him to stop, for if he had tried to go around me, he would've smacked another car that was picking up a co-worker head on.

I gave him what I call a "fractured look" (a fractured look is basically a visual F.U. that people give when they dare you to respond to their actions), then continued my same infuriatingly slow walk to my car (yeah, I got that kind of slow walk down to a science).

So my friends, that is my little rant for the day. Before I step down from my soapbox, I leave you with this question: what do you find more annoying as a pedestrian, having to dodge traffic while out for a walk, or having to dodge your lame brain co-workers/strangers in a parking lot?


  1. Charles: Indeed.

    Not sure what is worse, walking on a street/sidewalk or walking through a parking lot.

  2. G, I'd say a parking lot is worse. On a street/sidewalk you *usually* know what you're getting.

  3. M: That is for sure. Because I usually weave through parked cars in a larger (i.e. mall) parking lot, I'm helluva lot more alert of my surroundings than I am while I'm walking down a street/sidewalk.

  4. Well we Brits call them Car parks. Isn't that cute? Not. Anyway the times I walk with my shopping trolley, that's cart to you, and someone just reverses their car out of the space straight at me! I've worked out a way of getting my own back now though. I jump out the way, but leave the trolley there. Works for me. :D

  5. I'm on the alert anywhere cars are moving. On my way to and from work I don't step off a curb without doing a shoulder check to ensure that a hasty right-turner isn't going to turn me into road pizza. Drivers in Toronto are usually angry and in a rush because the traffic here is always such a mess.

  6. Joe: I've gotten more than my fair share of near misses in the parking lots, but these particular ones simply stand out for the brazen stupidity of the drivers.

    Now that is an excellent way of getting even. Damage to them (along with higher insurance deductables) and you get the last laugh. :D

    S.R.: In the capitol city of Hartford, I've learned a long time ago that you take your life in your hands when you walk on the streets. Drivers have a thug mentality that is second to none.

  7. Too many folks who just don't give a damn except for themselves. And that's humans. Never will change. So us rational folks have to watch out and get as far away from them assholes as possible.


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G. B. Miller

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