"Saturday" (pg 4)

Staggering, I tried to grab hold of the barrier to regain my balance. As soon as I reached for it, I was met with an even heavier dirt bomb to the head.

I fell backwards in a somersault over the barrier and landed flat on my face. A final salvo was thrown as a large bundle of twigs and branches landed on top of me. As a final insult, three squirrels came out and pelted me with rocks, before disappearing back into the mountain.

Touchy, touchy, touchy. I'll have to introduce the bush to my friend, Mr. Pruning Shears tomorrow. It took me quite a while to remove the bundle of twigs and branches because every time I tried to get untangled, someone would see me and make a snide comment.

Finally, after getting out from under Father Nature's thumb and checking for strains, sprains and bruises, I picked the remainder of Mother Earth out of my clothing and continued my walk.

As a parting shot though, I spat one big goober into the woods. Seconds later, another dirt bomb flew out and caught me square in the head. Staggering, but not losing my balance, I took off running.

Flying down the road, jumping potholes and dodging pedestrians, I felt like nothing or no one could stop me now from reaching my ultimate destination.

Except a grapefruit.

A grapefruit that blew off a car and over the bridge. A grapefruit that caught me in mid-stride. A grapefruit that stopped me from contacting the ground with my feet and instead propelled me forward at the same rate of speed that I was running only moments before.

Suddenly airborne, I still felt nothing could stop me from reaching my destination. All I had to do was change my body around so that my feet were where my head was. That way, I would be hitting the ground running, so to speak.

Simple, yes. Executing the idea, no. Before I had a chance to even shift my body around, my flight came to a screeching halt. Unbeknownst to me, a people sized bear stepped out from the mountain to see what all the hubbub was about.

I hit the bear chest high, head first and bounced backwards about several feet, and again came to a stop kissing Brother Tar. The bear, which had come out of the woods to see what was what with what, ambled over to check me out.

Sniffing my clothes for a minute or two, he then turned me over and sat me up. Sitting down himself, he leaned back, cleared his throat ad asked, "So you're the cause of all this commotion?"
~~~~~~~~~
(c) 2009 GBMJr. All rights reserved.