Sunday, May 24, 2009


"Get away from me," said the bartender as he took a half-hearted swipe at a buzzing fly. Yawning, he returned to his previous position on the stool and resumed his nap.

Within a couple of minutes of resuming his nap, a motorcycle roared pass the front door. Startled, he fell off the stool and got bombarded with booze as a few dozen bottles fell from the shelves and exploded on impact.

Lying there semi-conscious and soaked, he heard the front door blow open and the music of LL Cool J overwhelm the bar.

"Good Lord, she's here!" he thought excitedly.

Slowly pulling himself upright, he looked up and found himself staring into a very tired face.

"Hi there." she said rather flatly.
"Hi there yourself." he said brightly.
"What happened to you?"
Picking a few shards of glass out from his shirt, he said, "A few bottles fell from the shelf. Nothing to worry about."

Looking around the bar, she asked, "Where's that music coming from?"
"From you."
"From me?"
"Yeah. It's your incidental music. If you want it to stop, just make the universal stop gesture."
"No foolin'?"
"No foolin'."

So she did, and sure enough, the music stopped. Sighing, she took off her gloves and goggles, and placed them on the bar, before dropping heavily on a stool. Turning around, she was surprised to see a drink already in front of her.

Pointing to the glass, she asked, "What's this?"
"Peach Schnapps."
Sighing again, she took the drink and went for a stroll around the bar. After she finished checking out the various art deco prints, she came back to the bar and sat down on the stool. Turning around, she was surprised to see a large slice of marbled cake, covered in chocolate frosting and adorned with a candle.

"What's all this?" she asked.
"Birthday cake. Compliments of the proprietor." he said.
Taking out a lighter, he lit the candle and proceeded to sing the usual song associated with that particular type of pastry.

After he'd finished, he said, "Make a wish and blow out the candle."
So she briefly closed her eyes, then took a deep breath and blew out the candle. She then grabbed a fork and the cake, and walked over to the pool table, where she spent the next half hour shooting pool and eating cake.

When she'd finished, she ambled back over to the bar and sat down. Turning around, she again found to her surprise two envelopes, each decorated with a blue yarn bow. She was about to ask what they were when the bartender beat her to the punch.
"B'day card and present. Again, compliments of the proprietor."

She opened the card and read it. Smiling, she then opened the other envelope and found to her surprise, a gift card from Barnes & Noble. Finishing up her drink, she first put the two cards inside her jacket, before putting on her gloves. When she pulled out her wallet, the bartender simply shook his head.

When she got the front door, she paused for a minute, then said, "Tell him thanks for the pick me up."
"Most definitely," said the bartender, who then snapped his fingers. Instantly, the hard thumping rhythms of LL Cool J came pouring out of the woodwork.

Smiling again, she put on her goggles and left the bar.
(c) 2009 by GBMJr. All rights reserved.

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