Saturday, February 6, 2010

Settling

I decided to do something a little different for today's post.

Like, I didn't write it.

About a couple weeks ago, I put out an SOS for my blog. This was due to the fact that I had absolutely nothing on tap for myblog, beyond the post that was scheduled for January 29th. The well had literally run dry for me. So unlike the previous SOS's, in which I asked for topic ideas, this time I made the offer of letting people write whatever they want and I would post it on my blog for everyone to see. I would give them their own byline and they were free to talk about whatever they wanted, so long as they kept it under two pages. And, as an added bonus, I gave them the option of responding to the comments, which would come in handy if they were talking about something that I honestly didn't know anything about.

So far, only one person has taken me up on the offer. A friend of mine, who for the sake of this post goes by the name of "Lady Dee", wrote this particular post about relationships. Before we continue to the actual post, I must state for the record that I am the transcriptionist and furthermore...

My name is G, and I wholeheartedly approve of this post.
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How often do we make the mistake of settling into a relationship? A relationship that we know may be doomed from the start, but because of some idiotic fear of being alone, we choose to stay in or pursue a 'settled' relationship.

Is this yearning for a relationship so great that we inevitably make the choice that leads us into sadness, dissatisfaction and the ultimate broken heart. Or better yet, leads us in a direction to not trusting the next individual. Are we that desperate?

Exactly what is settling? Settling to me is when you enter into a relationship with a less than desirable mate because you don't want to be single. You may not even know you are settling and by settling you are, and have chosen to shut off your other options of finding your "true love".

How would settling affect the other person in the relationship? Is it fair to them? Is it fair to you? Do you wish to spend your time in a relationship on a road to nowhere that will bring you limited satisfaction?

What would be some other reasons other than the fear of loneliness that would prompt you to settle? Could it be you are being fulfilled sexually? Could it be monetary? For whatever reason, one must not deny themselves.

We all set reasonable expectations for our mates. Look into your heart and you will know what type of person will fulfill your soul and your needs and your wants. Remain single until you can find the person or that person finds you that will provide you with that true loving relationship. Don't lower your standards.

Have any of you ever settled? When and how did you realize you were settling? How did you make it through? What would you have changed if you could, other than the obvious of not entering into the relationship?

It is okay to be lonely. During the time of loneliness, get to know yourself and appreciate yourself. Only you truly know what satisfies your soul and makes you happy.

18 comments:

  1. Sometimes you don't even know at the time you are settling for less than you really want and need in a relationship. Married too young, and 18 years later I woke up and realized that was exactly what I was doing. You can get in a comfort zone, or finances and property get tangled up making it difficult to extract yourself from the situation.

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  2. Oh and no I've never just settled in a relationship, I'd rather be alone.

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  3. Joe: It was more of a thing that I mentioned among my friends and co-workers. They are quite eloquent and passionate about a variety of topics and I was simply offering them the chance of writing something for my blog.

    Same applies to my blog friends. If you wish to write about something that you wouldn't normally write about, the space is here for you to use and abuse. If you're interested, you can shoot me an e-mail.

    As for your other comment, there is a lot to be said for solitude/aloneness. I spent the better part of my adult life being alone. Been married for 21 years this coming June. Sometimes, I look back on the choices that I made, and I think "what if".

    Anon: Thanks for the insight. Sometimes it's really tough to recognize things for what they are.

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  4. I have settled in a relationship and it didn't work out - so I am OK with being alone for now.

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  5. Lynn: It's always best to look out for yourself, because quite frankly, who will if you won't?

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  6. Women are more likely than men to settle. That is why you see good looking women with ugly men.

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  7. Interesting hypothesis. Sometimes though, you can see the reverse scenario.

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  8. Hey, I didn't see the SOS either! I'm with Joey - I've never settled. I'm much happier with my own company (and perhaps something from an adult store) than with a jerk.

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  9. R.K.: The same offer goes for you as well. If you want to write something that you feel doesn't quite fit with yours, feel free to shoot it this way. I gots vacant space that's just aching for someone to fill it.

    And yes, you can interpet that any way you see fit.

    As for the second part of your comment, I'm glad that you're so bold to admit to visiting an adult store. No secrets on this blog, I can tell you.

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  10. I'm not the "settling" type. But I do think we use that term a lot - as in "get married, settle down".

    Relationships change and shift and I don't know if it's settling exactly, but people change. I always think a good relationship is fluid and malleable. I think when the relationship becomes static, that's when problems come to settle.


    Interesting post, Lady Dee.

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  11. A very fine post with the last paragraph summing it up perfectly.

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  12. Talon: Excellent observation.

    I think that if you're in a long-term relationship (married or not) there is that outside chance to become complacement about it. Sometimes it can become a good thing, but I think most of the time, when you become complacement, the thoughts of insecurity, the "what ifs", start creeping in.

    After that, it's only a matter of time before you can either repair the relationship, or move on.

    David: Thanks, and so very true.

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  13. To everyone:

    I would like thank you for your thought, generous and insightful comments that you left here for the past couple of days.

    I will be sure to let my friend know that everyone thought very highly of her blog post.

    Perhaps in the future, I will try to get her to grace my blog with her presence again.

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  14. I "settled" for my ex years ago. Fortunately I only lost 10 years in that process, not 40. I learned that it's better to be alone than to "settle." I also learned that the RIGHT one is definitely worth waiting for (& that if they never come, being alone is still better.)

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  15. Lana: Thanks for stopping by again. A very wise and thoughtful insight.

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  16. Here's what I do often. Post some pics, then write about them, n sometimes come up with a whole new subject twist. But I'm really spontaneous like that, usually don't even write ahead...

    This is an interesting idea- the blog-loan...

    I haven't settled in many years, as no one has fit the bill- Oh well! Found out last boyfriend was too predjudiced- main reason I said enough after 2 years. Part of my extended family isin't white-
    Haven't clicked with anyone in 8 years- if you don't count all the alien co-workers who say they love me (want citizenship + a slave wife). I'm on the 4th one to push away n not settle for in that category! They know nothing of workplace ethics!
    If only not understanding English didn't matter to me...

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  17. Snaggle: I usually have a week's worth of post scheduled, so that I can concentrate on blog reading and writing...at this point, coming up on two years, the well is starting to run dry, thus the offer of blog space for my friends...I may try it again once things calm down at work a little bit...this month has been a tad horrendous with doctor appts and the holidays.

    As the post says, to thyself be true.

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Go on, give me your best shot. I can take it. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have created this wonderful little blog that you decided to grace with your presence today.

About that comment moderation thingy: While yes, it does say up above I can take it, I only use it to prevent the occasional miscreant from leaving thoughtless and/or clueless comments.

So remember, all of your comments are greatly appreciated and all answers will be given that personal touch that you come to expect and enjoy.

G. B. Miller

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All the content that you see here, except for the posting of links that refer to other off-blog stories, is (c) 2008-17 by G.B. Miller. Nothing in whole or in part may be used without the express written permission of myself. If you wish to use any part of what you see here, please contact me at georgebjr2006@gmail.com