Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Naturally Toasted Until Fried


Naturally toasted goodness, it just don't get any better than this. I just absolutely love the smell of burnt brain cells in the does a body good to stagger around like a cartoon character, drooling at the mouth and having the sound of crickets echoing in the hollow confines of what used to contain your brain.

And the eyes...did you know if you combine stifling hot humid weather, lack of sleep due to mounds of personal stress, personal stress, and sheer boredom at work, you get eyes that for the most part refuse to go along with the program and simply stay in a dull languid state of show and tell.

The brain...did you know that brain steaks are the new health food? Yes sirree bob, its the truth. They're real easy to cook. All ya have to do is stand outside in that same hot and humid weather (this recipe only works in the Northeast, so for the rest of the country, my apologies. maybe), stare at the sky for several minutes, and viola', she is done. Just whack your head a couple of times with a crowbar and in no time at all, medium size chunks of brain steaks will come a-poppin' out. Just remember that you can't do this all the time, because eventually most of your motor functions, living functions and just plain functions will cease to be, leaving you to be just a piece of human flesh straight out of 2525.

Getting grossed out yet?

Yes, gag me with a spoon because I am like so totally sure of barfing out because this is just so grody to the max.

And now....drum roll please....I present to you......da da da da da da da da da da da....the body!

Yes, the human body!

Did you know if you combine all of those disgusting characteristics mentioned in the preceding paragraph, you get basically a liquid body that would be perfect for a schlocky B movie gorefest? Didja? Hah? Didja?

Yes indeedie doodie, a beer-battered-meat-tenderized-marinating-in-its-own-unique-special-blend-of-thousands-of-herbs-and-spices-one-of-a-kind-delectable-goody is just waiting for you to serve it up to your family and friends, who of course enjoy the natural foods that you produce from your garden of Eden.


My friends, who are within the sound of my voice, my question to you is this: What kind of greens or potatoes would best compliment the items on today's menu? More importantly though, what kind of wine would go best with these good eats?


  1. Gag me with a spoon?

    Good thing some of your readers are old enough to get that reference..haha

  2. I'm surprised that I'm still interested in eating my scone now. LOL. This humidity has been toasting my brain too.

  3. I might be able to think of something in the afternoon (maybe), G. :)

  4. You know, I was feeling kind of hungry before I read this post. Now I think I'll hold off on food for a while. ;)

  5. Yes, you have totally grossed me out! Merlot?

  6. Man, you must have had some strong java this morning. Spiked?

  7. Bearman: I would hope that they would. :D

    One of my favorite Frank Zappa songs...

    Kelly: The humidity has been absoluely brutal up here, and the other day, I could've sworn that I felt my brain starting to sizzle.

    Lynn: Much appreciated. You know, its just so gosh darn hard to match up side dishes and wine with certain entrees nowadays.

    Charles: I know what you mean. Sometimes, just thinking about certain types of foods is enough to knock me off my feed for few minutes or so.

    R.K.: Grossing out people is such a good thing to do nowadays. Merlot sounds like a good 'un.

    David: Wish it was spiked. In actuality, I had the post title rambling around my head last week (of course it was in the hi 90's with about the equivalent in humidity), and when I got home, the thing just about wrote itself.

    Hint: Never have YouTube open while you're writing, as it has a tendency to lead to mighty strange things.

  8. Well, there is no doubt about it the Lima Bean was invented just for the sole purpose of gagging an individual. Add a little cardboard box of fried cardboard potatoe strips and you have a meal worth upchucking all over the place.
    Rinse well and then forget the wine, go pour yourself a nice COLD dark beer and count yourself lucky you have tomorrow to do it all over again. :)Bea

  9. Mmmmmm...lava beans and a fine dark beer..


    Fava beans with a fine chianti perhaps...

    Yum. :D

  10. I'm not a wine drinker, but I like those little, red potatoes with just about anything!

  11. My eyes are stinging just reading this! Well, the allergies n overtiredness don't help either...

    Hope the storms didn't topple on your stuff n lose power today!

    Remember the reason we endure winter... Cause we can't do this heat all year!

    Today I ate cucumber on Iceberg lattuce with Hony French Dressing...!

  12. Lana: Red potatoes do indeed go with anything. Thanks for the tip.

    Snaggle: I think I would go batty and truly create brain steaks if I had to endure heat year 'round.

    Cucumber with iceberg lettuce and honey dressing sounds really good.

    We lucked out today with the storms, just some scattered tree damage and a lot of rain.


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G. B. Miller

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