Friday, October 1, 2010

I'm Sorry Son, Could You Repeat What Your Number Is?

Yah, I'm a little late in writing the follow up to my post of 9/17, but ya see, other things came up and I completely forgot what the time was and by the time I remembered the day, it was half past the bad moon turning blue with just a hint of mold that gives my least favorite salad dressing that pungent aroma that makes me gag every time I inhale, but not hold longer than three seconds.

Yup, nothing like a run on sentence to pump your ego and make you the reader look and sound more smarter than me the writer, for I are ready to bring it on because I got my B game at the ready and pinch hitting for my A game, because my A game is busy attending to the special needs of that bodacious looking fan in the left field bleachers. No, not the one with the light cotton floral print dress and the floppy hat that's oozing white hot charisma. Yes, that's her. The one with the wavy hair, the vapid expression and the acorn squash size globs of pillowy fun.

Anyways....(I snap my fingers a couple of times) Yo, back over here. No you can't go out and play house doctor later, you have other important things to attend to. What? No, I won't ask if she has a hot looking bro, I'm not a social secretary for you, I'm a social secretary for me. Got it? Good.

Now, as I was saying at the close of the last record, please play both sides at one meaning. No, wait, that ain't it.

Damn.....Hey Mr. Custer! Do you mind I get excused for the rest of the afternoon because I'm not feeling too good. Now wait just a gosh darn minute, this post is just getting too silly. Now director, on my say-so, cut to the next scene.

Annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd cut.

I'm back. Oh wait, I already made that announcement. Shoot, this post isn't going very well, is it?



Okay, I think I'm done emptying my brain of all the built up silliness of the past couple of weeks. So, we move on to the bloviating of the topic in question: why I don't like talking on the telephone.

In all seriousness, the main reason why I don't like talking on the telephone is that my vocal skills aren't what they used to be anymore. I've always had the problem of not being able to accurately coordinate my thoughts with my mouth, and if you combined that with the fact that my ability to talk CREARY AND PRO-NUN-CEE-8 my words correctly, you get a guy who can often sound like he gots a mouthful of marbles.

So it's my comfortable preference to communicate via the e-mail, with letter writing a very close second (trust me, if you get a letter from me that originated from my job, chances are I'm about to touch something that's extremely valuable to you, and its in your best interests for you contact me). Texting is out and so is doing something like instant messaging and/or facebook chatting, because quite frankly, I don't have the patience or attention span to do those type of things.

Usually the only exceptions I'll make to this rule is if you don't live within the confines of my home state. Then I have no problem in talking to you on the telephone. I may sound garbled or like I got a face full of cotton (not one peep out of you, and you know who you are), but rest assured all my brain cells are there and functioning.

Overall, talking on the phone is a necessary evil and I try to keep it at a casual business level at all times, but if I sound like I just woke up when I pick up the phone, guess what, chances are I just did. However, if you should not get hold of me the first time, please leave me a voice mail. Contrary to what most guv'ment workers do, I actually return them. Just remember to follow these guidelines and you'll wind up being my bestest friend ever.

Don't, and I'll treat you like this.


  1. Email is my preferred way of communicating, too. I talk on the phone so much at work that I don't have much chat left in me at the end of the day. :)

  2. I hate talking on the phone too. I always feel like I can't do anything else while I"m on the phone and that is irriating.

  3. Hey, my first time listening to The Tubes. Me gusta. I think. Different for me.

  4. I'm not keen on talking on the phone either, but I don't have any issues talking, I'm probably more articulate verbally than I am with the written word, not that that's saying much. I just don't like wasting time talking to people! I'm very anti social.

  5. Lynn: I used to be what was called back in the day, a "phone phreak" because I actually had no problem talking on the telephone for an extended period of the time, all the time.

    But now, I find that I can express myself in greater detain writing than I ever could talking.

    Plus, no one can hear you when you e-mail.

    Charles: Got the same problem with my job. Usually most of my conversations require me to multi-task in order to answer a question, which usually means I have to stop what I'm doing in order to answer the question in four part harmony.

    David: Oddly enough, it was that video that prompted me to search out the album for that song. To this day, I will often search out an album for a particular song, which in turn lets me explore that album for other gems.

    From what I understand, The Tubes often had a really good stage show in their heyday.

    Joe: I've been accused of being anti-social on numerous occasions. Fortunately none of those have been the result of phone conversations at work. I can easily turn it on and off when the situation calls for it. But overall, I find I can express myself with a greater degree of intelligence via the written word than I could verbally.

  6. I love Monty Python! I was just telling Mr. RK today, "For an anti-social person I am way too social lately!" I'd just like a couple of days to sit in the sun, drink iced mochas and do nothing.

  7. R: It's funny (or strange) but when I was going off on a tangent and looking for a few videos to go with this post, the first thing I thought of was "Crunchy Frog" and the second thing I thought of was how you would either find the video funny or disgusting.

    Doing nothing would be fine. Tried to do that Thursday with a day off, but it didn't work out too well.

  8. I like the conciseness of email communication. When I'm on the phone, I tend to talk way too long.

  9. Kelly: Same here. I have a tendency to ramble on way too much and quite frequently lose my place in the process.

  10. I am definitely not a phone person. I have no trouble speaking; I have trouble hearing!

  11. Mama Z: I gave up long ago trying to understand what people say because they usually keep asking me the same thing over and over again.


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G. B. Miller

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