Monday, November 29, 2010

Oooh TSA Man, You Can Pat Me Down Anytime

No really, I would love for you to pat me down before I board the plane and sit in a cramped set with a screaming kid in front and a droning airhead next to me because your touch will keep my libido pulsating for the trip from hell.
It's a rare day on Cedar's Mountain where I happen to touch upon events that are going on in the world around me. Because usually, I'm more happy than a pig chest deep in mud when it comes to practicing ignorance is bliss on my blog.

But ever since people started to squawk about the new security rules implemented at the airports, I've found it hard to sit by and watch/listen to all of this infantile debate without putting my in my twenty-five cents (adjusted for inflation).

To everyone who have decided to bitch, moan and groan over these new pat down rules and intrusive body scanners, I say this:


I'm sorry to say but everyone here in the good old U.S. of A. who carries just a scintilla of power (i.e. ethnic organizations, left leaning politicians, college radicals and spineless educators) are to blame for this latest non-secure security rules that appease only those with ultra-hyper sensitive maladjusted low self esteem who have the ability to shout down anyone who shows a lick of common sense.

Face it folks, these new rules do absolutely nothing to make me feel secure. All they do is inconvenience the average American traveling to and fro across the country. They do not address nor go after the people who would want to do us harm, which like it or not, are people from Africa, Asia & the Middle East. Not everyone mind you, just the small percentage of radicals who use Islam as an excuse to hate.

The reality of the situation is that if we really want to have some semblance of a secure homeland, we need to do what the Israelis have done and will always do to keep their country secure.


Yes, profile.

Like it or not, in order to have a secure country we really need to start profiling. Call it racial, call it harassment, call it whatever you like, I don't care. Over the years, you can't tell me that profiling, racial or otherwise, hasn't worked to keep your city and state safe and secure.

Why do you think that in spite of some of the incredibly backwards things that some of these Middle Eastern countries do, they have a good success rate in combating terrorism?

That's right, profiling.

And why do you think that Israel hasn't had a terror attack in the past four decades?

That's right again. Profiling.

Shoot, they even practice it in Europe to a certain degree and in spite of all the rhetoric about political correctness, they probably do a good job in preventing these kind of attacks.

I reiterate, my advice to everyone who has been bitching about these new rules: get over it.

We have sown the seeds of our own namby-pambyness because no one had a spine to stand up to all the naysayers who said that profiling was a hurtful and intolerant thing to do.

This is political correctness at its absolute worst. We worked hard to earn our status as a victim-ocracy. So like it or not, we deserve to eat the fruits of our labors.


  1. I think they need to get rid of TSA in airports and put them on the border. Maybe if illegals were threatened with a grope, they may decide to stay home..haha

  2. I have no issue with that security screening and will get to experience it first hand later this week when I fly. :)

    I'm pretty sure there is profiling here. I read an account of one man who has the same name as someone who has made terrorist threats - he gets pulled out of line every time he flies.

  3. Since I got my new knees three years ago I've had to undergo, standing, isolated, in a clear plastic box, with no chair until a woman agent could be found, then patted down and somehow even though I've mentioned that I have new knees they seem surprised when the wand buzzes at my knee joints.
    I fly a number of times a year. Frankly, I don't like standing off to the side with my arms in the arm while an agent runs the side of her hand up into my crotch and feels my breasts. I am so looking forward to the body scanners.
    If it gives somebody a thrill to see a 62 year old body then go for it.
    Put in eye scanners, finger or hand prints, do whatever you have to do to pretend to make things safe for the traveler but while you are at it could they do something about the amount of items that get taken out of baggage put under the plane? And, let's see, blow up a plane from Madison to Chicago or blow up the Superbowl? Hmmmm, which one would make more of an impact. It's all closing the barn door,after the fact, in my book. :)Bea

  4. I agree that people need to get over it. As for the rest... interesting. :-)

  5. I knew a m an once, who's army was in rome, but he missed his family back home, and often ventured back. He acted like a frightened schizophrenic on his way back, and anyone who thought to think, got paranoid with many flashes of steel by others, and words from others conversations frightened them!

    He returned safely, but was unaware a local king, put in place, had a surprise visit by a leading official, who offered him a grant request. This king mentioned the above, but the official had two hundred in his escort, and sent many out to investigate themselves. They spoke juwly to the educated, who stated that, and, that years earlier, this person had stated he would become emperor of ROME. This had been a signpost. They picked this person up, who acted frightened, and would not perform, and did away with him the very next day, before a rescue operation could be organised.

    This person passed in the heat of the sun, mouth so dry you constantly want to swallow, but each gulp is hard to swallow, and extremely fearful of being sent to HELL, begging for forgiveness for all of humanity!

    Thank you wonderfully so much for your gentle touch of intimidation trust!

    Seeds can be spread, foundations built, and propaganda implemented, as anything you throw our way, will be zapped! Armies will down arms for the right cause, and turn on their aggressors, but in a humane way.


    I am thinking of showing up on a world tour, residing in villages,etc, and casting it on free channels, with after care! HA>

  6. Well you've got a point about us reaping what we've sewn.

  7. Bearman: Good point. Perhaps the manily ones would get offended and stay where the men are men and women are gosh darn proud of it. :D

    Lynn: I have no doubt there is profiling all over the country. I was simply on a roll while I was writing this post. There is good and bad in everything that we do. It just bothers me that people are so damn hypocritical and hypersensitive about things like this.

    Bea: I feel for you. While I don't have artificial body parts that would cause a wand to go off, I do wear quite a bit of metal which has forced me to step out of line to be privately wanded. And I have been known from time to time to get snotty with screeners.

    Honestly, I wouldn't mind the body scanner. Like you, if someone wants to get their jollies off on a fat bald 45 year old guy, more power to them.

    Extra O: Thanks. Whether or not I was one hundred percent accurate with certain facts, I honestly don't know. But I was/am simply extrapolating a theory based upon anecdotal news stories.

    Andrew: Very lovely piece of prose.

    It would be nice if what you described would happen to a certain degree. I think the world would be a lot less sressed out in the process.

    Charles: Sadly, it's a point I really don't like to be proven right on.

    Idiocy, no matter what the form, carried to the extreme can and will spell disaster in the long run.

  8. I wonder - if a terrorist ends up getting caught with explosives you know where, are body cavity searches next?

  9. I've already e-mailed my local & state politicians, letting them know that enough is enough--I'm not going to fly anymore.

    Congratulations, terrorists. You won!

  10. R: OMG! A bad staple of the sitcom come true??!!

    BTW, thanks for the idea of the post.

    Lana: I haven't flown in decades (not because of this though) but honestly, this really won't do the trick unless they do something like this at the baggage claim areas.

    Honestly though, it doesn't when the people who are supposed to be enforcing this sometimes treat it as one big fat joke.

  11. agree they are unneccessary and do not work. The only people they will catch will be those too stupid and/or ill financed to get the job accomplished anyway.

    At best it keeps the more feeble minded feeling secure because "nobody could possibly get anything through that" even though i personally know of at least one person who has left three separate multi-tools in Spokane, Washington because he went through Portland security with them having forgotten he had it on him, then leaving it at his in-laws place when he remembered.

    In short...the security failed to catch a tool with a knife, saw, and stabbint point on someone whose entire attempt to defeat the scanners was PUTTING IT IN A CLEAR PLASTIC TRAY BECAUSE HE FORGOT HE COULD NOT TAKE IT ON THE PLANE.

    The only thing that stopped him was realizuing he had inadvertently broken the law and being unwilling to deliverately do so.

    But yeah, these pointless, invasive, unconstitutional measures will make a handful of simpleton sheeple feel safer so I have already made my trip to Victorias Secret so when I fly to Tennessee in a couple weeks...they will have something to talk about and I will fly with a "comfort issue"

  12. Darth: I can see them now screaming, "MY EYES! MY EYES! MY EYES!!!"


    True story. I was going to the airport about several months after 9/11 and before actually entering the complex you had to go through a National Guard checkpoint and have your vehicle searched.

    So I went through and had my vehicle searched and one of the Guard members found a rusty steak knife in the trunk. He asked me if I knew about it and I said I had no idea because I was borrowing my parents car. So I asked if he wanted to take it.

    He said no.

  13. There is an article on at the moment, written by a (non-extreme) Muslim guy, entitled "Profile Me". In his opinion, it is only reasonable and sensible to use racial and religious profiling, even though it will inconvenience him due to his background.

  14. S.R.: Exactly. Sometimes you do have use what you really don't like to use in order to do what's right.

    The needs of a few shouldn't always outweigh the needs of the many.

  15. G: That story still amazes me...but does not surprise me :(

  16. R: Which one, mine or Darth's?

    Either way, it kind of shows you how sometimes the guv'ment is all lip and all reaction.

  17. I travel alot and have gone through the naked scanner several times in the past two months and my opinion is... I'm not sure. Honest to goodness, I don't know if it bothers me. But I did see a young girl that was probably about four being felt up and that bothered me. I wouldn't want my daughter to go through that at such a young age and for those reasons wouldn't fly with her. As for me, the jury is still out. I did something on this last month where I quoted Ben Franklin on security and liberty:

  18. David: That would bother me as well seeing that, especially if it was my daughter going through it (she's nine).

    As for me, if I ever flew again, I probably wouldn't mind the scanner but would definitely balk at the pat down.

    I read your post, and the way you wrote it reminded me of one of those early MAD mag stories. It was so funny that I simply couldn't do it justice by commenting.

  19. I was on the move and seriously jet-lagged when I posted those. I was stuck in London and Boston and was having some fun.

  20. David: It's amazing sometimes the weird stuff we can write when we're seriously tired, or in your case, jetlagged.

    In any event, it was priceless. Sort of reminded me George Woodbridge.

  21. Which George Woodbridge. I just Googled and came up with an actor and an artist. Both were knew to me.

    Btw in your new post you explained how you used the word interesting and that reminded me of the comment you left on "King" at BTAP.

    (Just joking around with you:)

  22. David: The artist. MAD magazine in my youth had some great artists. Don Martin was okay but my true fave Sergio Aragones, who drew the Marginal Thinking dept that you saw all over the edges of the pages.

    Ah yes. I was wondering when someone was going to pick up on that.

    That particular story didn't really move me like it did the others. Maybe because it was the fact that I kind of figured out the ending about three or four paragraphs in so the rest of the story was a bit anti-climatic (at least for me).

    I try very hard not to criticize something that I don't quite get, probably because I was so seriously hammered for my stuff that the thought of criticizing another person's work has really tempered my views on what I read.

  23. Like I said I was joking with you but two quick points (since we’re kicking it back and forth): 1) I try never to leave a negative comment either. I don’t see the point especially as a writer because I want folks to come and read my stories. That’s why I’m not political on my blog. Half this country is Dem and half is Rep. I want 'em all to read Round One. I save politics and negative comments for private discussions. 2.) One word comments in person are indicative of dissatisfaction unless they are followed by (though not always) an exclamation point. Fabulous! Interesting leads that woman back to the mirror to say “Shoot, I screwed the pooch." Which, depending on your perspective, may be a good thing. :)

  24. David: I try not to be too political on blog as well, which is why I keep the politics focused on the state level. The state level is what impacts me the most, so that's where my focus stays on.

    I agree, one word comments in person are indicative of dissatisfaction (guilty as charged here. I do it alot at work, as well as arguing at home).

    As for the blog land (can't include chat rooms because I'm no longer there), I find the one word comment is the one thing I can do without offending someone. I will use other words from time to time to express something I don't get or don't understand (poetry I will never get, so I very rarely comment on that), but for the most part I stick with "Interesting." partially because it such a versatile word to use and partially because it can be interpeted in such a way as to not leave a sour taste in the mouth of the person who it was intended for.

  25. Gotcha.

    Well do me a favor and tell me what you think of "Justice Served." And you better not leave an interesting comment. Well that sounds odd.

    Heck, you know what I mean. :)

  26. David: Not a problem.

    Perhaps this time, I can leave...three words, yeah, that's the ticket.



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