On Monday (2/21), I had alluded to the fact that the opening sentence of that post, "where you couldn't think of anything to write about", was a blog cliche. Now I bet you're asking the screen, "G, why would you say such a thing.
Go ahead, ask.
"G, why would you say such a thing?"
Glad you asked.
Ya see--hey, wait a minute, what do you think you're doing?? Put down that chainsaw!! Stop!! Wait!! HE--
We interrupt that preceding paragraph with a special news---AAARRRRRGGHHHH!!!
When a writer uses them in a story, unless he or she is very good at what they're doing, chances are that the writer comes off like a lazy slob who thinks that "I are ready."*** is a proper sentence.
When a blogger uses them, unless he or she is very good at what they're doing, chances are that the blogger comes off like a lazy slob who thinks that the opening 87 words of this post is incredibly funny.
At one time or another, I've had a tendency to be overly reliant on what I like to call "blog cliches". "Blog cliches" are used whenever the blogger is trying to be funny/cute/intelligent but can't quite come up with anything original to use.
Want proof? Just look at the first 87 words of this post for proof. For those of you who have been reading this blog for as little as this year (two months), you've probably picked up on the fact that I recycle an incredible amount of phrases.
Think I'm kidding? In addition to having the following phrases pop up yet again in a blog post: a variation of me telling you to ask a particular question; which was followed by "go ahead and ask"; which was followed by a variation of the particular question; which was followed by "glad you asked"; which was followed by me attacking myself in print and which was finally followed by me with a variation of "we interrupt our programing with a special late breaking news bulletin", I've also used quite extensively the following other phrases:
Yah, I is just hot bed of originality, in that I can't seem to go more than one sentence without using a personal blog cliche. See, I just did it again with the preceding sentence.
Look, there is only one way to cure this debilitating disease and that is to write something completely original without using a cliche. Problem is, life in general and our day-to-day activities specifically often can amount to one big fat cliche whether we like it or not, or realize it or not.
Think I'm kidding?
Okay, how many out there have to do some kind of writing on a daily or weekly basis? Well, did you know that without realizing it, your writing can often become one big fat cliche? Have to write some business correspondence? Use a template or pre-formatted form letter? Have to create a weekly/bi-weekly/monthly report? Guess what, you're hip deep in cliches.
The same point that everyone who fancies themselves to be a talking head, legitimate or otherwise, drums into the cerebellum of every wannabe and couldabe and newbie and established writer which is that you don't use cliches in your stories, you shouldn't really use in your blogging.
I realize that it's wickedly tough to be original without using cliches as a crutch for your blogging, and I know that I've failed miserably at it (well, maybe I'm still sitting in Peppermint Patty land), but there is hope just the same.
Damned if I know, because I've fallen yet again into another one of my personal cliches: the cliche of meandering off down the solid-brown-brick-which-costs-5K-per road trying to find a proper ending to this post.
Of course, I could close out this post with one of my all time fave personal cliches: the query at the end of the post asking my readers if they experienced anything similar to what I'm going through/explaining/bloviating/pontificating with this post.
Like experience, blah-blah-blah-blah-nudge-nudge-wink-wink-yadda-yadda-yadda-foaming-at-the-mouth-until-I-fall-over?*
Cliches. Because they do barf me out and gag me with a spoon. Like totally.**
*Jack Palance in his version of "A Christmas Carol"; Eric Idle & Terry Jones; Seinfeld; Graham Chapman. **Moon Zappa. ***Arnold Roth (cartoonist in the 70's mostly with S.I. and Playboy)