About three weeks ago or so, I put out a call for ideas that I could use on my blog. Last week, a very good friend of mine was dealing with a particularly thorny issue and wanted to ask my opinion on certain generalities surrounding it (not the issue itself because my friend is very private about her life and above all else, I do not try to pry into things that she clearly does not want to elaborate on because I respect her that much as a person), so she posed a series of questions about it.
After we had a brief but highly animated conversation about those questions, it was decided by mutual agreement that I should pose these questions to my regular and casual blog readers. So my friends, here are the questions that my good friend asked me and wanted my opinion on. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get that much in depth about them beyond expressing my very personal opinion about why she asked the questions in the first place. But I will try to answer a few of them in the comment section of this post.
The questions are:
1} How far would you go to save a good friend's life?
2} Would it be based on what you think they may do if the roles were reversed?
3} Would it be based on selfishness?
4} Would it be based on pure unconditionality?
5} How much of yourself would you give?
6} Would you expect something in return?
Feel free to answer as many as you feel comfortable with. And if you want to have some kind of lengthy conversation about it, by all means check back here frequently. Today is Columbus Day, so I will be on and off the computer all day long, and thus updating the comment section as much as possible.
Monday, October 10, 2011
14 comments:
Go on, give me your best shot. I can take it. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have created this wonderful little blog that you decided to grace with your presence today.
About that comment moderation thingy: While yes, it does say up above I can take it, I only use it to prevent the occasional miscreant from leaving thoughtless and/or clueless comments.
So remember, all of your comments are greatly appreciated and all answers will be given that personal touch that you come to expect and enjoy.
G. B. Miller
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I would do alot for my friends but I guess the line would go further based on how close I was.
ReplyDeleteIf it was a truly good friend, I would do everything I could to save them based on pure unconditionality and would expect nothing in return.
ReplyDeleteI don't think conditions should be placed on any element of friendship.
I would go as far as I could without hurting someone else who is innocent. I mean, I wouldn't kill another innocent person to save a friend's life. I would kill someone who was trying to kill them. My acts would be based on my own self evaluation. Could I live with myself after making one choice or another.
ReplyDeleteI haven't really got any good friends... so that must say it all.
ReplyDeleteBearman: I agree with that sentiment. Depending on how close I was with the person (and I'm close to varying degrees with only a few) would dictate on how far I would go in helping them.
ReplyDeleteLynn: By all accounts a friendship should be unconditional. But what if that good friendship has been strained to a certain degree? Would you still help that person unconditionally?
Charles: Not sure if I would go that far, but it would definitely depend on the circumstances. If there wasn't any other options besides doing the unthinkable, then I probably would. Would I be able to live with myself afterwards? I might. I think it all boils down to what kind of conscience I ultimately and truly have.
Joe: I'm not sure that it does. I mean, it's possible to go through life without any good friends of the caliber that you would want to go that extra mile for, but it does sound highly unusual.
I've had at least one friend in most junctures in my life that I would feel comfortable in going that extra mile for and not expecting anything in return beyond a continuing friendship, and I would like to think that they would do the same for me.
I honestly don't know. I could say what I would or wouldn't hope to do, but we never know until something actually happens. There have been many times I've been very courageous intervening in various situations, and many other times when I wondered what they hell I was thinking for not doing something.
ReplyDeleteI love these kinds of questions, but find them impossible to answer. I keep wanting to say "it depends". It depends how good a friend, what the need was, the risk to me and my loved ones. But at no time would I expect a return - that's a set up to fail, psychologically and spiritually.
ReplyDeleteSomething else I like to ponder is how the answers would change if it was a stranger we could save.
Chris: A very thoughtful answer to a rather difficult series of questions. I honestly don't know as well. I think for me, in the back of my mind there will always be that little voice saying "what if" for whatever situation that may arise.
ReplyDeletePamela: A very interesting question to ask. I think with a stranger a lot of the times it would depend on the given situation presented.
I know with me, I find it very hard to reciprocate when if it's beyond helping someone who is lost or say stuck in their car somewhere. I don't know whether it's because I'm naturally suspicious of anyone or anything that I don't know or I'm not certain about.
Wow. Food for thought, for sure. Answering these is, I suppose, kind of easy because to me "good friends" are few and far between and that implies a tightness and level of loyalty on both sides.
ReplyDeleteSooooo....
1} How far would you go to save a good friend's life?
*As far as necessary without harming anyone else.*
2} Would it be based on what you think they may do if the roles were reversed?
*No, but that's implied by "good friend" isn't it? Not merely an acquaintance?
3} Would it be based on selfishness?
*no*
4} Would it be based on pure unconditionality?
*yes*
5} How much of yourself would you give?
*everything I had to*
6} Would you expect something in return
*no*
R: Yeah, most definitely food for thought. My friend presents these uniquely philosophical questions from time to time, and they have made interesting enough conversations to while away the hours.
ReplyDeleteI see that your answers are pretty much cut and dried. Would there be any shades of gray from time to time with these answers, or are they pretty much as is?
It depends on the situation and the friend. No matter the friends will all signs point to get the hell away, that is sometimes the best course of action. You can't help those who won't at first help themselves.
ReplyDeletePat: True. Sometimes though, you still have to try to help someone who is unwilling to help themselves.
ReplyDeleteTake a bullet? Bring them to the ER? Go 200 miles out of your way? Donate a kidney? OK
ReplyDeleteCommit a felony? be dishonest ie in court? let some one else suffer? No way!
All based on what I would do. What's selfish about that?
The return is always feeling good.
Snaggle: All valid points.
ReplyDeleteI guess what it boils down to, is what kind of person you really are and what kind of values and mores that you have.
While it's true that the end result is feeling good about yourself, what's important is how you get there.