Sunday, February 26, 2012

The Funkiest Headlines Of 1998

Time once again for yet another funky e-mail from yesteryear, this time from the late 20th century.

Include Your Children When Baking Cookies.
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Experts Say.
Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

Drunks Get Nine Month in Violin Case.
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms.
Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

Prostitutes Appeal to Pope.
Panda Mating Fails, Veterinatrian Takes Over.
British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands.
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids.

Clinton Wins Budget; More Lies Ahead.
Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told.
Miners Refuse to Work After Death.

Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendants.
Stolen Painting Found by Tree.
Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter.

War Dims Hope for Peace.
If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While.

Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide.
Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge.
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group.

Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Space.
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks.
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half.


  1. Wow. They told us about headlines like these in journalism school. :)

  2. Lynn: Yeah, they are a little bizarre.

    I had a fantastic front page of a newspaper from the the 1940's that featured headlines like this, but alas, it vanished some years ago.

  3. OMG! First one is definitely the best. When I was a reporter, we went to war with the copy editors almost on a daily basis, because although they wrote the headlines, we got blamed for them.

  4. M: Kind of like where I work. We get blamed for the implementation of stupid policies that we have to enforce.

  5. Travis: You're more than welcome.

    Charles: Absotively Posilutely!

    Mama Z: Thankee.

    Yes indeedie, humor from the 90's can still wow 'em.

    Extra O: Thankee, thankee.

  6. I cannot be the only one concerned that both "Include your children whem making cookies" and "Children make nutritious snacks" are on the list...

    And the Clinton one I remember seeing at the time and thinking, "It has too much truth to be funny"

  7. Darth: In hindsight, the Clinton one is definitely funny.

    As for the childrens, well, you know how valuable a commodity they are.

    Just call them "Solyent Green Light".


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