Friday, June 18, 2010

Memories Are Made Of These?

It's funny on how certain snippets of conversation can still resonate in our memory years or even decades after they were uttered. I figure during my lifetime, I must've heard hundreds of thousands of conversational snippets, and out of those multitudes, only a few have stuck.

I'm not sure on why that was. Perhaps I was experiencing something new or different at the time, and thus my atennae were super sensitive. Maybe it was due to the fact that I was wickedly bored at that particular moment. Maybe I was a combination of all things.

Who knows why something stuck in my (now) bald head all those years ago, but in any event, it's gonna make for a interesting post.


Because ya'll gonna experience first hand the deepest, darkest part of G's memory, and marvel over the fact that he has such incredibly fascinating minutia stored in that head of his.

So I present to you the reader, three favorite snippets of random conversation that have stuck with me over the past twenty-five years or so.

Warning: What you are about to read is to be considered offensive to 95% of the female reading public and .5% offensive to the male reading public. Viewer discretion is strongly advised but not really encouraged.

In chronological order, they are:

1} "I love you blondie because you're all nice and wet!"

Back when I was my son's age (about 1982-83), me and few of my pseudo friends would take a trip by bus to Madison Square Garden to watch was known then as the World Wide Wrestling Federation (aka WWE). Yes, back then I was a hardcore wrestling fan. How hardcore? I used to arrange my days around weekly programs like "Southwest Texas Wrestling" on the USA Network, or the monthly cards that MSG would briefly unlock their t.v. channel for. But I digress (one day I will come back to the topic of professional wrestling).

Anyways, my friends and I were hanging outside the Garden trying to figure out how to kill several hours before the Garden opened up for the show. Out of nowhere, this uglier than sin drunken bum uttered that particular phrase. I turned around to see if I could spot who he was talking to.

No dice.

But that one sentence....ah that one sentence. Even though I had absolutely no clue on what he was talking about at the time (that came much, much later once I started dating in the late 80's), I though it was the funniest thing that someone could say. So it became stuck in my brain and from time to time, I would bring it up whenever I wanted to get a laugh...or needed some motivation for a story scene.

2} "Oh baby, you can sit on my face anytime."

This one took place about the same time period as the first one. I was standing in line at the hardware section of my local Caldor store (went belly up in the 90's), when the person behind me uttered that sentence. I looked to see where the guy was looking and saw a rather hot looking black female walking down the aisle. At the time I said to myself, 'Why would he want that hot looking lady to sit on his face?'

Like I said, I was a major neophyte when it came to the opposite sex back then. Back then, my speed was the big boobs that were being shown in movies like "Porky's".

Today, I get where the guy was coming from (shit, I started understanding once I started dating in late '87) and if the same thing was said in my presence today, I probably would be shakin' my head at the ballsiness of the person making the comment....and probably wish I still had the same crude tackiness that sort of disappeared after I went north of 35.

3} "If I die, does my mom get a refund?"

By the late 80's, I was sharing an apartment with my girlfriend (now wife) and a best friend. One day while I was channel surfing on the cable (back then my cable remote was a push button box hooked up to my t.v. with a switch that I had to push if I wanted to go further up the dial), I came across a trailer for a movie that featured people with telekinetic powers.

I don't remember the name of the movie, but that particular sentence was uttered at the very end of the trailer. I don't know why that particular sentence resonated with me, but it became one of my favorite movie quotes.

This particular quote has to this day defied all my attempts to either logically explain the concept behind it, or logically apply a real world scenario. Case in point is that while trying to write this particular paragraph, I made six previous attempts at trying to explain this quote and each one got no further than a dozen words.

In any event, these are my top three most memorable snippets. There are others buried deep in the recesses of my memory, but for the most part they're pop culture oriented.

How 'bout you? Do you have any favorite snippets that have stayed with you for such an extended period of time?


  1. I remember Harlan Ellison writing about how overheard snippets sometimes inspired stories in him. Particularly his story "jeffty is five."

  2. Intersting.

    I usually utter the last snippet when I'm having the odd conversation with co-workers.

    I did a lot of my shorts for FSG with some of those random snippets last year.

  3. Those are hilarious! Along the same vein, on a trip to Boston to visit friends years ago (the same ones I just visited who now live in NYC), we were out walking around and heard a guy arguing with his - well, we presume ex or soon to be ex. "If I leave the coochie coochie, it's gonna be because I'm tired! It's not gonna be because of you!"

    That was pretty memorable ;) I think I'm even on topic this time!

  4. It's funny, but with that first one, it left such an indelible mark in my memory that some 25 years later, I still got a visual of that drunken bum who uttered it.

  5. This one made me laugh! I know what you mean about remembering certain things ever so vividly, particularly from childhood. Mine are usually warnings from my mother's wacky friends of yore -- Never astral project in August -- souls are looking for an empty body. My childhood was umm, odd. It didn't seem it at the time, but my friends always say, Michelle, total Addams Family except creepier!

  6. Glad I was able to give you a chuckle for a Saturday.

    My childhood was pretty bland and boring, except for playing a few games of doctor with a friend down the street. :D

    Most of the wierd stuff I've remembered happened to me at about my son's age (17) through my late 20's/early 30's.

  7. My grandmother several months before she died; "All good things must come to an end."

    My 9 year old son this morning; "How did you burst that blister on your hand... Did you have sex with daddy last night?"

    I knew I shouldn't have let him watch Family Guy.

    (Oh and I burnt my hand badly with boiling water last weekend - just in case you're wondering!)

  8. Your 9 year old has a wicked sense of humor.

    I remember one time I burned the palm of my hand with some gravy that I had nuked in the microwave. I got so tired of explaining what I did, I finally gave this as an explanation:

    I decided to conduct an experiment on determining the exact temperature that human skin catches on fire.

  9. Just once when I was in line at the grocery store, this creepy guy in line behind me saw one of his pals come in and yelled to him after an initial greeting, "I know where I'd like to be right now! At Strokers (a nearby strip club) looking at some p*ssy!" He yelled that out, I swear.

  10. I'm pretty sure that matches up (if not exceedes) my three snippets here.

    That, my friend, is a truly memorable and tasteless comment.

  11. I wish I could remember some strange things I have heard. It seems they float into my awareness at odd times.
    One I do like, I think Dr. Phil said it, "This isn't my first rodeo."
    I know I've muttered that a time or too. :)Bea

  12. Sometimes, its just the matter of perfect timing for something to stick with us.

    For what its worth, these are the only three non pop culture/non work related/non-family things to stick in my memory.


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