Sunday, November 14, 2010

Life Is Tough, But It's Tougher If You're Stupid

Yow---------za.

Over at Shooting Suburbia is part three of Furlough Weekend. Over at dead blog, well, still not motivated to post another part, so it looks like that experiment has fallen by the wayside. My apologies to one and all who chose to take a chance on a new short story from yours truly. Perhaps some day I'll finish posting it, but who knows when that'll be.

Now, on to something else a little less maudlin and a lot more funnier. It's time for yet another e-mail blast from the past. Not sure if this one is still making the rounds, but it made it to me back in 2005. Enjoy.


ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9, or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't ?" I replied.
"We only have six, nine or twelve," was the response.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?"
"That's right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

TWO

I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so that they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so that she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, "Do you know how much this is?"
I said to her, "I changed my mind. I don't think I'll buy that today."
She said, "Okay," and I paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

THREE

A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said that she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM thingy.

FOUR

I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
"Do you need some help?" I asked.
She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm...I dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

FIVE

Several years ago, we had an intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?"
"Just use the copier machine paper," the secretary told her.
With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

SIX

I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister". I asked the manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the cruise control and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

SEVEN

My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch banks who had this question.
"I've got smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

EIGHT

Police in Radnor PA, interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message "He's lying" was placed on the copier and police pressed the copy button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

NINE

A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room because the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine. The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer..."
The dispatcher says, "RUSH him in to emergency!"

16 comments:

  1. Yeah, some people have NO common sense!

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  2. One and Eight gave me a needed chuckle.

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  3. Some of these are beyond belief, which doesn't mean they aren't true. Some of them I can see. I wonder if anyone uses the term dozen anymore or half a dozen. And the car door thing? If someone has never used a key to manually unlock their car they might be temporarily stumped, I'd think.

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  4. Could these be true? The sad thing is, they probably could be. People are that dumb, some of them.

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  5. Wow! Still laughing over the McNugget one...reminds me of the time I was at the DMV right after I moved to the NW. I was changing my driver's license over from a CA one to a WA one. The woman in front of me was renewing hers, so the clerk was asking if all of the information was still the same - same address, etc.

    Clerk: "And are you still an organ donor?"
    Woman (with a look of terror): "Well, I haven't YET!"

    We all roared. Even the clerk.

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  6. T1G: Absolutely. It gets progressively worse in state guv'ment too.

    David: Glad I could give you a chuckle.

    Charles: They do sound like they're beyond belief...until you're on the receiving end of similar situations.

    And anyone who is stumped about manually opening a car door is probably under the age 25.

    S.R.: It's very possible that some of these are true. It takes all kinds to make the world go 'round, which is why t.v. shows based on this kind of stuff will always be popular.

    R: Nice. Haven't experienced too many of those moments, but as they say, timing is everything.

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  7. Still laughing outloud at some of them. Don't you love humans? They just provide so much entertainment for themselves and others. :)bea

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  8. Bea: Oh yes, I get so much entertainment from my fellow humans that I often can be found yelling at my computer while composing "thoughtful" responses to my fellow humans over their scintillating responses.

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  9. Nothing like the drive-thru window to encounter some hilarity!

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  10. Chris: I have seen some strange stuff from the drive by window when I was in the restaurant, but you wouldn't believe how commonplace some of that teenager intelligence is nowadays.

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  11. My favorite is the one about the person who couldn't get the foot pedal on his computer to function properly, thereby necessitating a call to tech support. The foot pedal, of course, was the mouse.

    D'OH!

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  12. Cosmic: A truly Homer Simpson moment.

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  13. Actually, here's an honest-to-Gawd story for ya that I just remembered:

    I used to hang out in this bar where one of the bartenders was very nice, but her stooopid was legendary.

    One day, a patron wasn't sure if her cell phone was working properly, so she asked this bartender to call her using the bar's regular (corded wall-jack) phone. The bartender obliged, and called the patron's cell. No ring.

    The bartender apparently had an epiphany of Einsteinian proportions. She grabbed the customer's cell, placed it next to the bar's phone and tried calling the cell phone again. Shorter range, ya know. She had no idea why the whole bar started falling out of their chairs laughing. Ah, memories.

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  14. Gumby: That is simply unreal. I don't think I can come up with anything that could even remotely top that.

    Thanks for the chuckle. :D

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    ReplyDelete
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    ReplyDelete

Go on, give me your best shot. I can take it. If I couldn't, I wouldn't have created this wonderful little blog that you decided to grace with your presence today.

About that comment moderation thingy: While yes, it does say up above I can take it, I only use it to prevent the occasional miscreant from leaving thoughtless and/or clueless comments.

So remember, all of your comments are greatly appreciated and all answers will be given that personal touch that you come to expect and enjoy.

G. B. Miller

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