Monday, May 23, 2011

The Stubborn Side Of Writing (4)

Note: It's my 3rd annual Birthday/Blog Anniversary Extravaganza, in which I go hog wild by posting something abbey-normal (at least for me) almost every single day this week. So let's begin the dual celebration of my 46th b'day and Cedar's Mountain 3rd year of existence by creating a truly unique post that shows off both my creative writing skills and my marketing skills at the same time.

A wren flies low along the suburban landscape, dodging pedestrians and the occasional bicyclist as it slogs its way to an emergency staff meeting. A few minutes later, it spots a small gravel road just off to the right protruding from a small grove of trees.

Briefly glancing over its shoulder, the wren quickly accelerates and zooms down the gravel road until it comes a park entrance. Quickly slamming on the breaks, the wren bounces off the Welcome sign and lands in a shrub that was specifically designed to stop its momentum. Shaking its beak, it quickly regains its equilibrium and launches itself at breakneck speed into the park.

Exactly thirty seconds later, the wren spots both its quarry and its destination. Again slamming on the brakes, the wren plows into a rather well built young woman of ethnic ancestry before quickly bouncing off and landing with a loud splash in the pool.

The young lady interrupts her tete-a-tete with a young man to check out who made the splash. She quickly spots the wren thrashing about in the pool, and in one fluid motion, scoops the bird out and places it directly between herself and the young man. They both listen intently to the bird for several seconds before the young lady looks up and sees that they're being watched and quickly taps the young man on his shoulder.

He looks up and looks to where the young lady is pointing. He swears under his breath but before he could do anything else, the young lady touches his cheek and leans in to whisper something in his ear. When she finishs, she gives the young man a peck on his forehead, then readjust her tank top and fluffs her hair. She gives the young man a brief glance, who gives her a thumb's up as he's putting away his cell phone.

Standing up, the young lady quickly walks over to a stool and takes a seat. Clearing her throat, she then takes a deep breath, waves her hand and says, "Howdy!"

You say howdy back, and the young lady says, "Well, I'm just tickled to death that you want us to do a promo today, so if you got everything all set to go, we'll get this shot and in the can in one take. Do you have a copy of the book with you?"

You hand it to her and as she takes it from you, you point your camera, give her five finger countdown and point.

"Good afternoon everyone! My name is Molly, and along with my bff's Teddy and Jasmin, we are the prime players in Georgie B's latest chapbook, Betrayed!. In the book, I play the part of Gwendolyn, a sex crazed hot-blooded girl toy who decided to ditch her husband because not only couldn't he satisfy her needs like a woman could, but also he was a hot tempered abusive pig, in spite of being the sexiest hairdresser on the planet. But enough about sensuous little me. Teddy, could step into view and tell the good folks out there what your part is in the little shindig?"

Walking into view, was Teddy. Tall, muscular and tanned, he really did look like he was every woman's deepest fantasy come to life. Until he spoke.

"Hi, my name is Ted, although my close friends call me Teddy. In this book, I play the part of Ray, the antithesis of what a hairdresser should be, which is macho, a flirt and boy toy for all the ladies. In short, all the things that I'm not. All I want in the story is to be with the woman of my dreams for the rest of my life, but sometimes, God in her infinite wisdom chooses to throw us a change up in the game of life. I wind up competing for the affections of Gwendolyn with her bff Bobbi, who is played by Jasmin."

On cue, Jasmin walks in. Tanned to a golden brown that matches her heritage and built like she could blow the engine of a speeding muscle car the second it drives by, she gives Ted a peck on the cheek and Molly a kiss on the lips before taking a seat on the stool. Running her hands through her hair, she licks her lips just enough to make you drop the camera.

She continues running her tongue sensuously over her lips until you get the camera back into position, then lightly exhales.

"My name is Jasmin, and I play Gwendolyn's hot blooded girl toy Bobbi in the story. I am almost like my character in real life, except I swing both ways. I'm vivacious, bodacious, luscious, sensuous and the best thing to happen to the menage a trois in quite sometime. I'll be looking forward to performing just for you in the privacy of your own home. Or office, or car, or park, or wherever you enjoy reading a hot and steamy novel."

Jasmin picks up a copy and gives the cover a passionate kiss before tossing it to Teddy, who immediately drops it and shoves his hands in the water. Smiling, she says, "So if hot sex, hot action and pulpy-ish violence is your bag, pick up a copy of Betrayed! today. You won't be disappointed!"

Molly steps back into the picture and says, "Thanks again for letting spend a little time with ya'll today! Hope to see you again real soon! Bye!"

And as you kill the camera and turn to walk away, the sound of the two women oohing and ahhing leaves you with a most tantalizing mental picture for the rest of the day.


  1. Perhaps a copy of those pictures with every book sold might be a good marketing tool. :)

  2. Charles: It would at that. Imagine the drool factor. :D

    In all seriousness though, the one thing that bugged me about using ASI was the fact that I couldn't use the copyright free picture website that they had a subscription to properly.

    I actually found the perfect picture to use, which was a woman hugging a man and she was calling another guy on her cell phone, but because it wasn't part of the subscription they were using, I couldn't use it.

    What I should've done was get a subscription to the website and then use the picture.

  3. Well shit! I did not know it was your I think I even put it in my book, but the walk fries my brain. Happy! Expect a late and repentant card from me!

  4. I should clarify that today is not my b'day. My b'day is this coming Friday and tomorrow is the 3rd anniversary of my blog.

    Please hold onto all your b'day wishes until Friday, when I will be the ripe old age of shudder 46.

    R: Thas okay, today ain't my b'day but you can wish a good one just the same. Congrats on the walk.

  5. Happy Birthday and Happy Anniversary

  6. Bearman: Thankee kind sir.

  7. "It's my 3rd annual Birthday/Blog Anniversary Extravaganza." You crack me up, G.

  8. David: Thankee.

    Gotta have some dopey fun on the blog every once in a while.

  9. Now you make me wonder about Teddy's voice!


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G. B. Miller

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