The New And Improved Automobile!

Note: This was given to me back in the late 90's (I think). Still pertinent some 25 years later.

At a recent computer EXPO (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated:

If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1} For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.

2} Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.

3} Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive one.

4} Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shutdown and refuse to start, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5} Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats.

6} Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads.

7} The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light.

8} New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt.

9} The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off.

10} Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna.

11} GM would require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe st of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the car's performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department.

12} Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

13} You'd press the "start" button to shut off the engine (happily, this is a reality).

Where Does It Go?

The novella that I plan on sprucing up for publication, "Blackness In The White Sand" (or BITWS for short), has a few things in common with its nastier older sister.

1} Both are paranormal fantasies;
2} Both touch upon the concept of revenge;
3} Both are violent, although BITWS is more thorough from start to finish;
4} Both contain exactly one graphic sex scene, although BITWS's is extremely hardcore;
5} Both contain a consistent level of sexual heat, although BITWS does amp it up when needed;
6} And finally, both are what you would call ethnically diverse.

Beyond those similarities, BITWS could be considered to the step brother in this mercurial relationship.

How?

For starters, the inspiration for BITWS didn't comer from a dream or piece of flash fiction. It came from one of the many movie shorts that I would create while running my many errands on the weekend. A very large percentage don't stick around as they instantly dissipate once I walk into the house. This was one of those that stuck around.

This was also designed to be a trilogy of sorts, in which the MC retrieved a backpack he was hired to deliver; steal a car to make the delivery, then make the delivery. But as some of you probably know from experience, the best laid plans can often go kablooie if the story idea grabs you by the throat and hurls you down a long flight of stairs.

Such was the case with BITWS.

Even before we put pen to paper we severely tweaked the concept.

1} We turned the MC into a soul catcher: a person who is the ultimate debt collector. We also make him semi-human, thus giving him a conscience;
2} Since we turned him into a soul catcher, we upped the violence and the body count (i.e. 5 people are viciously killed within the first several pages);
3} Since I'm becoming a fan of the paranormal, with specifically tweaked animals, I introduced a female hybrid lynx who enjoys devouring humans;
4} And just to make things interesting, I put a contract out on the MC, and introduced a modern version of the Vulcan mind meld.

And away we went.

We chugged along, churning out words at a rate of 500-700 at a clip whenever I sat down to work on it. We hit a few bumps along the way, which I was easily able to overcome, except one.

No ending.

The further along I got with the story, the harder it became to find the ending. Now, this wasn't as bad as it sounds, because I did manage to create a proper stopping point for the novella. Finding a good stopping point allowed me the luxury of walking away from it for almost a week and a half so that I could think of a proper ending.

Sure enough, a week and a half later, while I was taking a shower, the ending came to me.

It wasn't a strong ending. In fact, it was very weak and somewhat cliched, but thankfully, it allowed me to tie up all the loose ends so that I could put this to bed. Where it stayed for almost one year.

Now, after taking out BITWS and re-reading it, I discovered that even though this particular ending is weak, the overall concept does work. In fact, with the right amount of tweaking, the ending can perfectly compliment/explain the story.

To quote a lyric from the song, "Where do we go from here?"

For starts, I need a new title for the novella as I don't thing BITWS is that good of a fit for this novella. So while I'm busy creating a viable 2nd draft, I'll also be taking suggestions for a new title. Who knows, maybe someday you'll wind up immortalized in print 'cause the title you suggested was used.

I Have Found The Mommy Lode!

As many of you may or may not remember, one of my very first jobs while working for the state (and the one that has caused me an untold amount of grief some 17 years later as it applies for retirement purposes) was at the CT State Library. The short version is that I worked in a sub-dept called the CT Newspaper Project, which catalogued and preserved old CT based newspapers. The long version can be explored at the tag Library.

Anyways, one of the things that I did for the 5+ years that I was in that department, was to photocopy stories and adverts. Some were funny, some were poignant, some were somewhere in between, but all were fantastic snapshots in American and World history during the time period of the 18th thru the 20th century.

By the time I had left the library. I had four huge folders (I mean these bad boys were the kind of folders that you have to special order from a library/archive catalogue) of all kinds minutia and ephemera from all kinds of newspapers, as well as a few more old timey e-mails. I also had a few copies of old newspapers as well. But during the proceeding five years after I had left the library, one of the folders disappeared.

Vanished. Rode off into the sunset. Followed Ambrose Bierce into the badlands of Mexico.

This was no ordinary folder. This one contained all kinds of photocopies that actually created long running conversations (like up to 6 years worth) with my co-workers. This contained fantastic examples of how advertising had evolved from the 19th century to the 20th century, how newspaper reporting evolved (example: nowadays, almost all news organizations will not name the victim of rape unless the victim themselves had decided to identify themselves to the public. Back then, they were named) and what was shown on the front pages then as opposed to now (exception is NY Post and Daily News).

I was crushed to say the least. I figured it was gone to the compost heap, courtesy of mother dearest who has a tendency to pitch things out while not asking while cleaning.

But, this past weekend, a pleasant surprise in the middle of household aggravation was to be had.

While I was checking out a suspicious puddle of water on the basement floor (turned out it came from the cellar hatchway) I discovered a box full of personal schtuff. On the top inside this box of personal schtuff, was my missing folder.

Ecstatic over this find, I spent about an hour going through every single document and photograph that was in the folder. Ultimately, I decided that I was going to share a batch of at least a baker's dozen of newspaper stories and adverts with you the reader.

Why?

Because, believe or not, not only is there a treasure trove of information contained in those clippings, but there is a wealth of non-factoid (real concrete facts that can be easily verified) information in my head that desperately needs to be tapped with a spigot, so that I can readily share another amazing facet of my life:

My absolute love of American history and pop culture.

So my friends, in the coming weeks and months, not only will I be sharing my vast knowledge of arcane minutia that is the American newspaper but I'll be sharing a few nuggets of pop culture and personal minutia along the way as well.

To tweak an old cliche: I have a brain, and I ain't afraid to use it.

Happy Happy Quinto Anniversary!

I will keep this very short and semi-sweet.

On this date in 2008, Cedar's Mountain was foisted on a public hungry for knowledge. Fortunately, for the past five years, no useful knowledge has been inflicted on the general public. Instead, all kinds of groovy funkiness that passes for knowledge has been inflicted on a grateful general public that appreciates a good laugh and the verbal equivalent of slapstick comedy.

Because this is the Memorial Day weekend and the beginning of my staycation AND my 48th b-day as we roar out of the weekend, I will make this post short on verbiage and long on music. If you happen to trip on by today, please spend several minutes listening to a song that the singer spent the better part of three decades trying to escape from.

So my friends, Happy Quinto Anniversary to Cedar's Mountain, Happy Memorial Day weekend to you, Happy Birthday to me and Happy B'day to RgK from good ol' FLA!

Revisiting The Road Less Traveled

I've been doing a lot of soul searching for the past few months in regards to my writing. The bulk of the soul searching has revolved around the issue of what I should work on next, with the remaining minority split between  the following concepts:

1} Original writing;
2} Next phase of a completed manuscript;
3} Retooling a completed project.

As most of you are probably not aware of, I decided to work on the next phase of a completed manuscript while querying my novella "ASWR" (although I have very good news to share at a future date with everyone). I've also decided to retool a completed project. Specifically, this particular chapbook:



Details here

 Back in the day, I thought the only true way to self-publish was to use one of those companies (ASI) and pay to have your book published. While I went modestly into debt over this, the proceeding years have taught me one very valuable lesson:

You don't have to pay to self-publish your book.

So.

What I want to do is perform a take two of my self-published chapbook. In other words, an A thru Z reboot of the book. There are a lot of things I know I could do better with this book, simply because I've learned a great deal between 2009 (when the chapbook came out) and 2013 in regards to self-publishing.

However, there's a myriad of issue I have to tackle so that I can properly execute a reboot of the book.

1} Rewrite the story. As you know my standards are high, and if anything, this story does not meet my current standards. It did back in 2009, but it definitely doesn't in 2013. So I have my work cut out for me. I'm pretty confident that I can do a quality pump of the word count and turn it into a solid novella.

2} Come up with a new cover. This should be a no-brainer, as the cover I have was directly due to a miscommunication on the part of ASI (which doesn't surprise me). So I do have some options available to me.

3} Come up with a new title. This will also be a no-brainer, as I really want to start fresh and move completely away from the current title and ISBN number.

4} Use a better company. Not only does my publisher use Createspace for their print books, but a lot of other writers use Amazon as well for self-publishing their works, as well as Smashwords. Both of them cost little to no money to use.

So this is part of my multi-pronged attack for 2013. Does it sound doable to you, or do you think I've bitten off more than I can swallow?

I Is Rejuvenated!

It's funny how the warmer weather can have such a profound impact on one's own creativity.

Usually in the fall and winter, my muse, as it applies to my writing, has a tendency to go wandering off to the land that time has forgotten about. Where the air is warm, the breeze is cool and gentle, and life is exceptionally easy and sleazy. Thus, my writing screeches to a halt. Dried up. Dried out. Barren as a blade of grass in the Mojave desert.

But...when the warmer weather hit, that's when things start to heat up.

My muse comes in from the cold, shakes off the aftereffects of sun, wind spray, more sun, more wind, sand, etc. etc. etc. etc.

.....

.....

Muse steps over and uncorks a high hard one that sends good old G.B. flying out of the chair and face first to the ground. She looks over and after being satisfied with a job well done, sits down in front of the computer and starts to type.

Coming back from the cold, eh?! Where the hell do you get off telling these good people that I'm a slacker?! I'll have you know that I ain't no slacker! Contrary to popular opinion, while you was busy pretending to be the man you ain't, I was busy conjuring up new ideas and fresh approaches to old ideas.

But did you pay attention to me? Hell no! You were busy being the martyr and playing that bullshit "woe is me" persona that fools everyone but me.

During the rant G.B. starts showing signs of life. He grabs hold of the chair and slowly pulls himself up. Muse, suddenly aware of her chair being moved, looks to her left and spies G.B. doing the moving. Narrowing her eyes until they were mere slits, she delivers a hard elbow to his jaw, dislodging him from the chair and knocking him out cold.

Again satisfied at job well done, she turns her attention back to the computer.

Sorry for the interruption, but the f.b.i. guy was trying to butt in again. Now where was I? Oh yeah. I was busy working my tight little ass off coming up with a slew of fresh new ideas that would knock your socks off. But was he paying attention to me and my ideas? Of course not. He would listen to my ideas, then say, "yeah, sure, okay that'll work, thanks." before dismissing me with a wave of his slimy little hand.

This went on for quite a while and each time that he would do it, I would get wetter than a mad hen. Until finally he went to the well one to many times and..."

"No I didn't, sweet thang," said G.B., who had finally regained consciousness.

"Excuse me."

Muse gets up and within the span of thirty seconds was having another knockdown drag out battle with G.B. Punches were thrown, screams could be heard, clothing was torn and rip, then suddenly all becomes very quiet.

Uncomfortably quiet.

Passionately quiet as one could just vaguely hear a few choice words and phrase drifting out from outside the computer desk.

Many minutes later, Muse returned and took a seat in front of the computer. Looking like something the cat dragged in after a passionate night and day of lovemaking, she sighed deeply and lovingly, before viciously attacking the keyboard.

So after he went to the well one too many times, words and passionate...ummm...hostilities were exchanged. Eventually we came to a mutual understanding about what my future will be in this partnership.

......

......

Damn!

......

Ummm....well...I leave you with this thought. My main man G.B. has once again found that his creative juices are just bursting at the seams, and he would like to thank yours truly for helping him find the spigot to unleash those juices.

'Cause after all, a muse like myself knows all the moves and has all the weapons at her disposal, in order to make her writer shine like polished gold.

We're Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack!

After doing a very long self-indulgent countdown to my 1,000 blog post (if you missed it, go to the post dated May 16, 2013 for a re-cap), I'm now back to writing posts for you the reader, instead writing posts for myself to torture others with.

Today, I thought I would bring back kicking and screaming one of my little cyber childrens for your amusement today. Believe me, it was a battle just to grab this little hooligan from where he had taken residence up at. But as they say, everyone has their price, and those mean streets of Connecticut's Gold Coast is no exception. So once I had paid their extortion...ummm....relocation fee, I grabbed the little ingrate, chucked him into the trunk of my very rad Gremlin and hightailed it back to the Mountain.

Once we had gotten back to the Mountain, I told the little ingrate that now was the time to start earning his keep. He protested. I countered with this:

He clutched his ears and screamed, "Make it stop! Make it stop! Make it stop! I'll do whatever it is that you want me to do! I'll even sing the praises to how great labor unions are! Anything! Just make it stop!"

True story: Now that Jenelle has turned 12, she has developed a major attitude problem (no, really). I decide to up the ante in that if she didn't start to tone down the 'tude, I would buy a Justin Beiber c.d. and play it within earshot.

Jenelle hates Justin Beiber with a passion unmatched for anyone else.

Since I won the battle, and thus the war, today I would like to reintroduce to you that wonderful picture blog of mine, Shooting Suburbia.

Today's picture post is called "Hope Springs Eternal!"

5 Cubed Minus 5 Squared Times 10 Equals 1,000!

The old cliche that every journey and every goal that you undertake always starts by putting one foot in front of the other, most definitely applies to this blog.

Except that this particular journey was started not by me putting one foot in front of the other, but by getting the traditional bum's rush out the front door.

My abnormal journey (yes abnormal) began when I fell victim to the current malady that has infected this country for the past five years back in 2003. In 2002, our state was hemorrhaging red ink, which like today, was due to one party being unable to practice fiscal restraint. So in 2003, I was made redundant.

In July 2003, I was made non-redundant and eventually made it back to the agency that made me redundant in the first place. In January 2004, I made the fateful decision, although I didn't know it at the time, that eventually got me to where I am today.

I accepted a transfer to another agency.

Fast forward to 2007.

I was roughly one year into my writing journey (although at the time I was a pretty sucky writer), when by happenstance I decided to comment on a news story, which in turn led me to the world of the chat rooms, where I proceeded to spend 3 1/2 turbulent years losing what little sanity I had to begin with and developing full blown paranoia. But this post is not about that.

In 2008, a cyber friend to whom I had reconciled with, suggested that I should move my ramblings over to the blog world. That way, I could still be funny, not worry about censorship issues and most importantly, I could practice my writing.

About my writing: I never did any kind of creative writing until 2006 (age 41). Until then, most of my creativity was verbal and the most writing I ever did were monthly reports and business correspondence.

So on May 24, 2008, I introduced the cyber world to my fractured little mind that is Cedar's Mountain.

About the blog name: It's partial tribute to the mountain I live next to and partial tribute to one of the most divisive chat room personas that was ever created in the latter part of the 2000's.

I will now spare everyone the overly redundant minutia about this blog and my writing that has been covered in more ways than the OJ Simpson car chase, and instead concentrate on writing a free-form monologue that pays tribute to you the reader.

YOU THE READER

When I had first starting writing this blog back in 2008, the only person I wrote it for, was me. I figured that if I had any other people show up to read my ramblings, then it was considered icing on the cake. But after doing a few months of writing for myself, I kind of got tired of writing for myself. So off I went to do the blog surfing that is part and parcel of bringing people to my neck of the woods.

Sure enough, that blog surfing paid off as for the next five years, you have honored my blog by gracing it with your presence, because to be brutally honest, my blog would be nothing without you being here to read my ramblings, to comment on my ramblings, to commiserate, to cajole, and every once in a blue moon, call me on a few of my more provocative posts (Gracias Dave Barber and Lynn).

Only you the reader, has inspired me to be my very best, which at times has been detrimental to my well being, since my high standards have exacted a toll that I'm still paying for today. Nevertheless, no matter what my high standards may have done to me negatively over the years, they are minuscule to what they have done for me on the positive side of the chart.

For if anything, they have made me keep this blog going on consistent basis for almost 5 solid years. Why? Because the one thing I have going for me, and everyone has this trait in them, is my word. I told myself years ago, and I've mentioned on this blog periodically as well, that I don't dare disappoint my readers. My readers have my word that above all they come first in this blog, for without you, then all I'm doing is sucking up space and not making a world of difference to anyone.

You have kept me going through all of my highs and all of my lows. You are what helps me keep going whenever I get down in the dumps, suffer burnout, suffer through doubt and even bouts of self-pity.

In essence, you are my friends. Whether you choose to lurk and read or read and actively comment, I treasure each and everyone of you that stops by to visit Cedar's Mountain.

So to all of my new friends, my old friends and friends that have passed me by, let me reintroduce myself to you.

My name is G.B. Miller and I welcome you to my little slice of heaven located smack dab in the middle of suburbia that is called Cedar's Mountain.

And believe it or not, I really do go out in public like my picture, 'cause you know that the world indeed does revolve around me.

Except when Joanne says otherwise.

Count Your Downs: 900

I thought for the next three weeks or so, I would re-visit some old blog posts of mine and showcase how Cedar's Mountain has evolved over the past 59 months.

I know this sounds a little bit like my new series called "ReDeux!" but this is something so radically different that it will make your head spin, or at the very least, wonder why I wrote some of this stuff in the first place.

One thing that will make this post, which is #999, different from the others, is that I'll be whipping out some tags that have not see any kind of usage since the early days of this blog.

For instance, in celebration of revisiting blog post #900, I dusted off the shelf a very old tag called "Introduction".

Strangely enough, the topic of choice for blog post  #900, which was posted on October 15, 2012 and called "Nine Tenths of 1K", is blog post #900.

That's right boys and girls, the topic of choice for blog post #900 is blog post #900.

I'm not really a superstitious person, but how 'bout for your entertainment, a song from a legendary guitarist who passed away much too soon.

Count Your Downs: 800

I thought for the next three weeks or so, I would re-visit some old blog posts of mine and showcase how Cedar's Mountain has evolved over the past 59 months.

I know this sounds a little bit like my new series called "ReDeux!" but this is something so radically different that it will make your head spin, or at the very least, wonder why I wrote some of this stuff in the first place.

One thing that will make this post, which is #998, different from the others, is that I'll be whipping out some tags that have not see any kind of usage since the early days of this blog.

For instance, in celebration of revisiting blog post #800, I dusted off the shelf a very old tag called "Music".

Unlike the previous seven posts, I really have no good segue to tie into this particular post, as the topic of choice is live music.

So without further ado, please peruse this cool post from March 4, 2012 called "I'm Feeling 619, But I'm Looking 925!"

Please note that there was a contest connected to the title of this post, which was won by Chris LaTray. Hey, I just found my tie in! About a year ago, Chris LaTray released a c.d. with his band American Falcon, called appropriately enough, "American Falcon". Please check it out 'cause it really is a kick ass c.d.

Count Your Downs: 700

I thought for the next three weeks or so, I would re-visit some old blog posts of mine and showcase how Cedar's Mountain has evolved over the past 59 months.

I know this sounds a little bit like my new series called "ReDeux!" but this is something so radically different that it will make your head spin, or at the very least, wonder why I wrote some of this stuff in the first place.

One thing that will make this post, which is #997, different from the others, is that I'll be whipping out some tags that have not see any kind of usage since the early days of this blog.

For instance, in celebration of revisiting blog post #700, I dusted off the shelf a very old tag called "State Workers".

There have been many occasions (about 23% of the blog posts) in which I have gone off on random streams of conscience. Usually this happens when I have absolutely nothing concrete to talk about and yet I still have to throw something up on the old computer screen in order to fulfill your need to read this blog.

This stream of conscience post from August 5, 2011 has about four parts to it, three of which deal with state workers and one deals with Facebook. Please take a gander at this post called "He Tapped His Temple Thrice" and let me know if your local guv'mental politics is pretty much like mine.

And to briefly interrupt this top ten countdown, Debra of She Who Seeks gives a nifty shout out to my latest. Please stop by and check it out.

Count Your Downs: 600

I thought for the next few weeks, I would re-visit some old blog posts of mine and showcase how Cedar's Mountain has evolved over the past 59 months.

I know this sounds a little bit like my new series called "ReDeux!" but this is something so radically different that it will make your head spin, or at the very least, wonder why I wrote some of this stuff in the first place.

One thing that will make this post, which is #996, different from the others, is that I'll be whipping out some tags that have not see any kind of usage since the early days of this blog.

For instance, in celebration of revisiting blog post #600, I dusted off the shelf a very old tag called "Relationships".

Over the years, I have posted the occasional birthday tribute, mostly about myself, but sometimes about other family members.

In this particular instance, I wrote a post celebrating my daughter Jenelle's 10th birthday. And just so I could embarrass her for decades to come, I used a picture from her baby days, which coincidentally happens to be the one and only picture that you will find of me on this blog (or not).

So please take a step back to February 21, 2011 and check out a nifty b'day tribute to my daughter called "Didja Ever Have One Of Those Days?"

Count Your Downs: 500

I thought for the next few weeks I would re-visit some old blog posts of mine and showcase how Cedar's Mountain has evolved over the past 59 months.

I know this sounds a little bit like my new series called "ReDeux!" but this is something so radically different that it will make your head spin, or at the very least, wonder why I wrote some of this stuff in the first place.

One thing that will make this post, which is #995, different from the others, is that I'll be whipping out some tags that have not see any kind of usage since the early days of this blog.

For instance, in celebration of revisiting blog post #500, I again dusted off the shelf a very old tag called "Book Reviews".

Unlike post #200, post #500 covers a genre that most guys will not admit to reading, unless it's in Playboy, Penthouse or Hustler.

Romance.

I started reading romance, specifically African/American, back in 2008, but only as a dabbler. I still dabble in the romance genre to this day, and I'm still picky about what I read for romances. For instance, my preferred choice of romance is something along the lines of this post from August 30, 2010 entitled "The Bikini Car Wash".

As always, you can leave your comments there, or for an easier response, here.

Count Your Downs: 400

I thought for the next few weeks I would re-visit some old blog posts of mine and showcase how Cedar's Mountain has evolved over the past 59 months.

I know this sounds a little bit like my new series called "ReDeux!" but this is something so radically different that it will make your head spin, or at the very least, wonder why I wrote some of this stuff in the first place.

One thing that will make this post, which is #994, different from the others, is that I'll be whipping out some tags that have not see any kind of usage since the early days of this blog.

For instance, in celebration of revisiting blog post #400, I dusted off the shelf a very old tag called "Flash Fiction".

From early 2009 thru most of 2010, I became overly obsessed with flash fiction. How obsessed? Well, for that time frame, I had my own short story blog (since closed) called "Flashing Georgie's Shorts". Writing for that blog was a blast because I wrote roughly 50+ short stories for that blog. Some good, some bad, and some were in between. Strangely enough, I have never churned out that quantity of verbiage in such a compressed period of time since I closed my story blog in 2010.

This moldy oldy post from March 5, 2010 features a short piece of flash fiction that I wrote at work, entitled "Got Suggestions?"

As always, you can comment there, or comment here.